Monday, April 28, 2008

Do Bad Things For Sweet Ch33v0z

You know you have a problem when you are willing to go out and rent Avatar for 1000 gamerscore points. However, there can be some justification with that game. It takes all of 2 minutes to get a 1000 points richer. However, when you put enough hours into a game to get gamer's thumb, and you aren't enjoying it... you have a big problem.

That was the case with my 6 hour Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles extravaganza that I had this weekend. This entire blog is devoted to that ch33vtastic game. I've got to say that excluding Avatar, TMNT has some of the dirtiest and easiest ch33v0z you can get. This game boasts 23 ch33v0z and only 2 are somewhat of a challenge (but that's attributed to a misleading cheev description and a coded boss battle).

Since most of the games ch33v0z will unlock through beating levels, there are only a few that require explanation.

Get your first coin-Get your first coin-15 This ch33v0 has the most retarded and vague description. In normal gameplay, there are coins... EVERYWHERE. You would assume that picking up the first "coin" would net you this ch33v, and you would be wrong. Technically, it's the first "shell" that you collect that will unlock this ch33v0. Just replay any mission in "challenge" mode after you've beat the level in "story" mode and you'll be able to unlock it fairly quickly. The first mission is the best one.

Used Raphs special move-Used Raphs special move-30G This one isn't hard to get, it's just that you'll unlock the 3 other special moves in the first few missions, leaving you wondering why this one hasn't unlocked. You won't unlock the cheevo until the 10th mission or so, when you are playing Raphael's (playing as the Nightwatcher doesn't count)first solo mission.

Clean Sweep-Complete a level without taking damage-50G This will probably get unlocked without trying, I didn't even know it was a ch33v0 until I saw it pop up. First mission is SUPER easy and you'll probably get it anyway. Just don't take any damage during the fights.

Winter's Secret-Complete Level 16-80G While being the longest and probably most difficult level, it's still not that hard. What is hard, is the final boss in the game. Each sub boss is not that hard to beat, and it takes only button mashing. The final boss, can't be defeated with normal attacks. He can only be defeated with "tag team" attacks, and in a specific order. Without a walkthrough, it would take some time to figure this out on your own. With the help of a walkthrough, you can do it with your eyes closed.

Overall, it's not really a good game. I would recommend getting a small child to play through it for you, but that would be wrong wouldn't it? Anyway, if you have a disgusting ch33v0 fetish, you'll be willing to put the 5-6 hours in on this game and walk away with your 1000 points. If you can, borrow, rent or steal this game... do not buy it(unless you can return it or the price is less than a rental). It's bad times, but the ch33v0z feel soooo good.

Friday, April 25, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Condemned: Vegas 1 edition

This week wasn't too eventful, but I'm not saying I didn't unlock a fat load of sweet cheevz for everyone to enjoy. Without further ado, my week in ch33v0z.

Condemned: Criminal Origins

Chapter 5-10 Bronze Bird Awards-You found a dead bird-10G (Total 50G this week)

Chapter 7 Silver Bird Award-You found all six birds in the Metro City Library-20G

Chapter 9 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 9: Apple Seed Orchard-10G

Gold Detective Badge-You found the Gold Detective Badge TV-50G

First Propaganda Report-You unlocked the first propaganda report-20G

Chapter 8 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 8: St. Joseph's Secondary School-10G

Chapter 7 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 7: the Metro City Library-10G

Bird Bath Xbox 360-You found the Bird Bath TV-10G

Silver Melee Master Award-You completed three levels of Condemned: Criminal Origins with only melee weapons-20G

Chapter 6 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 6: Burnback Alley-10G

Silver Detective Badge-You found the Silver Detective Badge TV-50G

Chapter 5 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 5: Bart's Department Store-10G

I'm still plowing through Condemned: Criminal Origins, which if you've played it you know why that can be tough. Plain and simple it's scary and you're in one of the most shitty game worlds around. Everything is trashed and tons of junkies and freaks are attacking you out of nowhere, more often than not eliciting a girlish scream from the player.

So the ch33v0z are pretty basic, finish a level get 10 points. One of the easier tasks in the game is to find a dead bird. Each level contains six dead birds, and the first is usually right in front of you. The first of the series is worth 10 points every time. You can get all the birds in every level, netting an additional 20 points, but that means you have to search the dank and dark corners of every little space in the level. Trust me, spending your time in Condemned is not exactly pleasant. If you choose to go for the gusto, use these walkthroughs for each level.

The propaganda report ch33v0 can be gained by collecting the metal pieces in each level. There are 3 metal pieces per level, and you need a certain amount to unlock each report. You can find most of the metal pieces stuck on the wall, or behind objects. Look on the walls for hand drawings featuring a massive amount of eyeballs(yes, little pictures of eyeballs, search the area)... Just trust me, or check the walkthrough.

The Detective badges are pretty cool. This game has a few TVs with Xbox 360 consoles attached to them. When you stumble across one you'll get a prompt that says, "Hit A to unlock achievement". Some of them are easier to find, and and worth 10 points, the silver and gold badges are worth 50 points. These are VERY sweet cheevos because they aren't that hard to find if you are willing to search a level. Again, the walkthrough will shorten your search.

Rainbow Six Vegas 2

Officer-Achieve the rank of Officer-30G

Stick it to the man with this cheat in Rainbow Six: Vegas 2, it deserves it because of it's kind of annoying ranking system. Well, if you are in the know, then you are well aware of the patch that was put out by Ubisoft this week. You also know that they fixed an XP glitch in the first level. You should also know, that I used said XP glitch to rank up to officer and get a sweet ch33v0 worth 30 points!

Here is how the glitch works: Start act 1, scene 2 A.K.A. "ambush" and work your way to the the way point. It takes about 3 or 4 minutes to get to the glitch area. Once you reach the room with the bomb inside, send your teammate to disable it. Then toss a grenade towards the closed door behind the bomb. You'll get 20 XP and you'll see a barrel appear out of nowhere! Run for some cover near the door, and look to the second level. An enemy will appear and run for the mounted machine gun at the top, kill him and he'll respawn FOREVER! When you run out of ammo, let him kill you and it will respawn you right outside of the room. This takes a while, and I wouldn't say it's any fun... but if you are a dirty cheater you'll like it. Side note: do this on realistic to get the max points, and erase the update from your cache if you already downloaded it. Of course, this video will make my instructions so much clearer.

That's pretty much it for this week. I'm currently working on some cheevo farming in Rainbow Six: Vegas (the first one) and trying to finish Condemned: Criminal Origins. I still have Condemned 2 in plastic wrap, on my game shelf... sad really. I would say to be on the lookout for those games next week, but then I would be lying to you... Since we all know that GTA 4 will be out this Tuesday and those cheev0z are freakin' calling!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Ch33v0 Hunt: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

My hunt for the sweet cheevos continues. I chip away at the mountain of unharvested games, and the list continues to grow. So, as promised here is another small excerpt of my forgotten games. This list includes some great titles, and some not so great titles. As some might say, it's all the same in the dark... and that goes for the sweet ch33v0z too.

The Orange Box- Yes, this is a travesty and I should be shot in the face with a hot dog gun... blah, blah, blah. I played Portal like crazy, but with all the games that released last fall and my unhealthy obsession with getting 1000 gamerscore in Halo 3, I pushed this one aside. This is one that I regret not working through, excluding TF2(that game sucks).

Dirt-This is just a really good racing game. It's got all you want from a racing game, and I only spent a week on it. I would put this up there with PGR for fun factor.

Overlord-This was probably one of the most underrated games last year. It's got some awesome graphics and really fun gameplay. I've got to say, I'm disappointed that I never finished this game. I will say that it gets really hard in some parts, and after beating my head against a rock for some time, I needed a break... a long one.

Stranglehold-The demo of this game tricked me into buying it. It's got some great ideas, but it's repetitive... REALLY repetitive. Not to mention it came out 1 week before Bioshock, and to not play Bioshock in lieu of this crap game would be a crime.

Armored Core 4- What can I say about this game? Teh suck? Yeah, it's not the greatest game, and it's not really that much fun either. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage putting myself through this game, but the ch33v0z are calling.

So there you have it, another short list from my long list of forgotten titles. Some of these can't be ignored, others are going to take some serious work. That's the life of a cheevoholic.

Friday, April 18, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Mixed Bag Edition

This was an exciting week in Ch33v0 goodness. So much happened! I'll just get right into it, welcome to the my week in ch33v0z. First and foremost, I've got to trumpet my utter domination of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. I beat that game into the dirt, pulled it's pants off, and pulverized it's ass with my gaming skills. Now that I've got wood, let me get to the details of this week in ch33v0z.

I was on a ch33v0 high this week, first from clocking in at 1000 points for the insanely difficult COD4, grabbing some hard to get cheevs in Geometry Wars and snaking out a few of my forgotten cheev0s from Condemned.

Call of Duty 4

Look Sharp-Find 15 enemy intel items-20G

Eyes and Ears-Find 30 enemy intel items-20G

Your Show Sucks-Destroy all the TVs showing Al-Asad's speech-20G

Mile High Club-Sky dive to safety on Veteran difficulty-20G .

If you've read my celebration post from earlier in the week, you know how great it is to unlock the Mile High Club ch33v0. The MHC cheevo is the Pièce de résistance of the week, the... feather in my cap so to speak. One of the most difficult ch33v0z I have ever attempted to acquire. You would think that I would have some kind of respect for this one, but I actually harbor a hatred for this ch33v0. It took from me, my innocence and more importantly my time. As with the others, a video walkthrough is recommended.

Although usually very tedious, most game developers feel the need to put collection based cheevz in their games. In COD's case, it's the intel pieces and the TV's. For the intel pieces follow this very comprehensive walkthrough for the locations and you are on your way to 40 points and 2 very sweet cheevos. The TV collecting can be done in one level, so that's nice. However, when you get into the broadcast station you are going to be faced with a multitude of TV's and computer monitors. Make sure you thoroughly search this larger room from all angles to get every TV. Don't forget to check for ceiling mounted TVs near the corners of each room. As always, a guide helps.

Army of Two

Running Man-Kill 75 enemies while in the stealth mode of Overkill-30G

Army of Two has some great ch33v0z and you can get most of them pretty easily. The Running Man cheev0 took longer than I expected. Of course, I've been relegated to hunting for cheev0z on a solo basis, so it took a bit of finesse to get my AI partner to do what I wanted. The best tactic for me was to equip a silenced primary weapon (forcing your AI partner to have loud weapon by default) and starting on the aircraft carrier mission(Professional difficulty). From the onset of the level, place your PAI in AGGRO mode and take cover. The enemies will descend on you both, but just let your PAI take them out. He will go into overkill and you can get 5-10 kills per load out. Of course with a human partner, it's much easier.

Geometry Wars: Evolved

Survived 250,000-Earn 250,000 points without dying-10G

Score 250,000-Earn 250,000 points-10G

Geometry Wars is one of the most basic, beautiful, and fun games on XBLA. It's also one of the most difficult games to master. You basically have to be a tweaker to rise to the upper levels of greatness in this game. That being said, I was in the zone this weekend and after a long hiatus from this game(I haven't unlocked a cheev in 8 months), I loaded it up and surpassed my prior level of skill. I don't know how, I don't know why and I can't give you any tips, save one... try this game.

Condemned: Criminal Origins

Chapter 5 Bronze Bird Award-You found a dead bird in Bart's Department Store-10G

Chapter 4 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 4: Grid 4 Subway Tunnels-10G

Bronze Melee Master Award-You completed single level of Condemned: Criminal Origins with only melee weapons-20G

Chapter 4 Silver Bird Award-You found all six birds in Grid 4 Subway Tunnels-20G

Chapter 4 Bronze Bird Award-You found a dead bird in Grid 4 Subway Tunnels-10G

Chapter 3 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 3: Metro Station Platforms-10G

This title is part of my forgotten ch33v0z list. I'm going to be honest on two things, I'm not thoroughly searching each level to max my ch33v0 gain... I'm blowing through this game because I bought Condemned 2 and I won't let myself play it until I beat the first. Secondly, this game is scary as shit. It's hard to play for more than 30 seconds without feeling creepy. There are plenty of vids here for reference, but I suggest you try this game especially for $14.99 that it's going for nowadays. Only tip I can give you: Skip using guns all together, waste of time and ch33v0z.

That was one hell of a week, stay tuned for new cheevz from new games! Condemned 2 is on the docket as well as GTA4 in a couple of weeks. I'll also be looking into some forgotten games.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Ch33v0z, My Addiction... My Shame

My name is ZEBRA NINER and I'm addicted to ch33v0z. That's right, I can say it... finally. I've done a lot of things in my life, I've done a lot of bad things for sweet ch33v0z. I can't help it, I'm an addict and it's a disease. I've played some pretty bad games for the sake of sweet cheevos, and as I look back on my gaming life I can see all the black marks of shame. Today, as I take an inventory of all the crimes I've committed against myself, I will share them with you (It's a step in a program I'm in.)

Sneak King-Winner!- Beat 1 Challenge. 5G
This one kind of got me started, they say the first one is free. It was kind of a goof, but I found myself playing this to see if I could get a couple of points. No turning back from this.

Spider-Man 3-Splat Master 2007- Splatted into the ground 25 times. 20G
The game wasn't that bad, but I actually put time into this ch33v0. Climbing up a building and launching myself off. Over, and over, and over again. Was it fun? No... but I had to do it.

Transformers-Transform and Roll Out-You've transformed for the first time 10G. This game was rough, it was rough all over. I'm not proud of any of the cheevos gained from this game, but this one only required you to push a button. Sad really.

Rayman Raving Rabbids-RAYMAN IN CAMERA-You have played the game with Xbox Live Vision! 50G. This was super lame. That game wasn't much fun, and this ch33v0 was so cheap. The 50 points is hard to turn down though... when it's looking all good, and it's been SO long... be gentle. Don't go buy the camera just for this ch33v0! (Buy the camera for Rainbow Six too)

Pimp My Ride-Pimp In The Making-Successfully pimped your first customer-10G. I'm ashamed that I even touched this game... it's AWFUL. This is possibly the worst game ever. Well, this and Space Giraffe.

Pimp My Ride-Ghost Ride the Town-Performed perfectly in a Ghost Riding Event-10G. The shame continues. I will say that what you have to do to gain this cheev0 is a sight to behold. It's something you must watch, but do it from afar. Kind of like a donkey show... you should see it once in your life, but for God's sake don't star in a donkey show.

The last two on my list of shame aren't all that bad as far as games go, but I have to add them because I played them without having any fun. I played them for points... bottom line. It's like killing a baby because you'll get a million dollars. Yes, it's wrong... but it's a million dollars.

Avatar: TLA: TBE- 1000G.
This is the easiest 1000 points you'll ever get. It can be done in 2 minutes, and is a very cheap way to boost your gamerscore. Let the ch33v0z rain. Check the video for an example.

Surf's Up- 1000G.
This game, while not a bad game, was not fun for me. It's more of a kids game, but the ch33v0z are so sweet. It's simple, kind of boring, and tedious. Ch33v0 farming at it's best.

Ahhh, I feel so much better getting that all off my chest. I think I've really turned a corner here... I think that I'll have this addiction under control from here on out! In fact, to celebrate... I'm going to treat myself to a couple of ch33vz! I mean... what could it hurt?