Thursday, July 31, 2008

ch33v0z In A Minute!

I've been thinking about quick cheevz, and how some games are gratuitously handing them out almost instantaneously. Here are a few examples of games with quick 5 point instant cheevos!

Grand Theft Auto IV

Off The Boat-You have completed the first mission-5G You want 5 points? You fuckin' got it! Just pop in GTAIV, drive your cousin Roman to his apartment a couple of blocks away this bad boy will unlock. 1-2 minutes depending on your shitty driving skills.

The Simpsons™ Game

Press START to Play-Easiest achievement...ever-5G Ok, so this one really is instant. Upon loading the game, you'll be prompted to press start. Booyah, 5 pizzoints. Not only is it easy, if you're a fan of the show you'll get the reference of the ch33v0. Worst ch33v0 in a minute... ever.


The Cockroach-Find the cockroach-5G In the beginning of this game, you'll be prompted to follow a cockroach. As soon as you slightly press forward on the stick, the cheev will drop. That's another 5 points.

So there you have it. Yeah, it's only 15 points but how long did it take you? Besides, you've done worse for sweet cheevos... haven't you?

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Kane and Lost: Geometry Wars 2 Edition

The ch33v0 harvest is in full effect. I've been lucky enough to finish off Lost, and walk away with the full 1000 points. I also played two new games this week! The first is Kane and Lynch: Dead Men, the controversial game from Eidos. The second is a sequel to one of my most beloved games(and it's difficult as hell), Geometry Wars 2. Prepare yourself for the breakdown o' ch33vz.

Kane And Lynch: Dead Men

Revenge Part V-Glad it got personal-30G

Revenge Part IV-Shouldn't have gotten personal-20G

Have Gun, Will Travel Part III-The Beginning of the End-20G

Revenge Part II & III-Who's the old timer now?-20G

Frag Out-5 with one fragmentation grenade-20G

Hindsight-Get that bird out of the sky-10G

Have Gun, Will Travel Part II-Counter-revolution-20G

Behemoth-Stop the roaring beast-10G

Revenge Part I-Silencing the silent one-20G

Bulletproof-Avoid using adrenaline on a level-10G

Have Gun, Will Travel Part I-Travel into the Rising Sun-20G

Headmaster-47 headshots-10G

Impact-Escape from death row-20G

With all the controversy surrounding this game, I've been wanting to play it for a while. I even had it on my "must buy" list, until I found out that online co-op didn't exist. Truth is, it's not that bad. The story is interesting, while flawed. The characters are fun, and the violence level is just were I like it. However, the controls are awful and the AI (enemies and allies) are horrible. Not only did they forgo the addition of online co-op, but they added cheevos into the mix that require local co-op. That is NOT acceptable. It's a definite rent but by all means do not buy... unless you can get it on the cheap.

Most of the cheevz I've unlocked are story driven and will unlock with time. Some of the levels prove to be rather difficult, and your idiotic AI partners don't make it much easier. Here are a few of the mentionable ch33v0z.
Headmaster is a nod to the classic game Hitman, also produced by Eidos. Just get 47 headshots, easy as pie.

Bulletproof should be easy enough, basically keep yourself and your crew from getting downed (to the point of requiring an adrenaline shot). Do this cheevo on a level were it's just you and Lynch, that way there are less teammates to handle. If you do the level on easy, you can guarantee this one.

Frag Out can be done on many levels, it just requires that you get a group of 5 or more enemies bunched up together(which should be easy, because the AI is too stupid to do anything else). The frag mechanics are a little squirrely, so it may take some practice to get the grenade to land where you want it.

Behemoth is unlocked when you complete your first "boss battle". Basically, you have to headshot the driver of an enormous dump truck. The trick is that you need to hit one of the other enemies that are hitching a ride on the front of the vehicle, before you can take the driver out. Doesn't make much sense, but that's the trick.
Hindsight is a tad annoying as well. The tick is to lead the chopper with the rocket launcher as it passes and tag it, or you can wait for it to hover alongside the building and risk getting machine gunned. Hit the chopper with 3 RPG rounds and you will take it down.

Lost Via Domus *100% Ch33v0 Completion*

The way home-Finish the game-200G

Hero's hero-Save Jack-25G

Through the Flame-Complete Episode 6-125G

Showdown-Successfully confront Beady Eyes-10G

Mapping the Island-Photograph: 1- Blast door map 2- Blast door map for the hidden entrance 3- Sayid's cable map-10G

Pearl Station-Photograph Pearl Station emblem-20G

Whatever it takes-Discover all the memories in Flashback 6-30G

Behind the wall-Complete Episode 5-100G

Boom boom-Open the secret door-10G

Slave-Photograph skeleton in Black Rock-15G

Dharma Ride-Photograph Dharma van-15G

This game is just awful. If you read last weeks post you would know how I feel about it. I did go ahead and snag all of the cheevoz, making a jump of 1000 points in about 5 hours. I sent this thing back asap, and I'm glad it's gone. That's all I want to say about this game, here is the guide if you feel like torturing yourself and playing this game.

Geometry Wars 2

Wax On-Rub your ship along all four arena walls in Pacifism-15G

Unlocked All Modes-Unlock all game modes-25G

Magpie-Collect 500 geoms in a single game-15G

Oh Geometry Wars! How I love your beautiful graphics, fun and challenging gameplay, and the ability to play for 5 minutes without getting tied up in the trappings of a normal game. With that said, I HATE you Geometry Wars... you are too hard! Ok, I'm whining, but it's good times. 6 different modes, and local co-op (if that's your thing).

So the cheevoz this game represents are different from the first in that they require specific actions, but they remain the same in that they are quite difficult to accomplish. You must be zen and one with the world, you must be "the shit" as the kids say.
Unlocked All Modes is the easieast, just play the first game mode enough to unlock the second mode... play the second enough to unlock the third, so on and so forth. There are 6 modes to unlock for this cheev.

Wax On is a nerve racking cheev. You'll unlock this in the "Pacifist" game mode. This mode is a game of cat and mouse, you are the mouse. No guns are allowed... just guile, cunning, and quick thinking. You have to rub your ship along every part of each of the 4 walls. The walls will light up to indicate parts you've already rubbed. No hints here, other than being good.

So that's pretty much it for this week! I'll be racking my brain trying to figure out how to snag some more Geometry Wars 2 ch33v0z. Hopefully finishing up Kane and Lynch, and sending that back to Gamefly. Speaking of Gamefly, a new game is currently on it's way! Battlefield: Bad Company has shipped. Look for some new cheevz in that, and maybe a new arcade game or two! Until next week cheev-whores.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Ch33v0z: My Addiction, My Shame

Adding to the long list of games with the easiest, dirtiest, and most shameful cheevz, is Lost: Via Domus. If you've been keeping up with my weekly recap, you know how I feel about Lost: Via Domus. Of course, my hatred or disdain for a game is highly unlikely to keep me from harvesting the sweet cheevz. Kind of like when you are at a bar and the annoying wreck seated next to you is trying to convince you to take it home. That's when it's time to man up... and mount up, Cheevo-style.

So there are a few things you need to know about this game before you get started. First off, it's only going to take you about 5 hours to get all 1000 points. Second, if you aren't a Lost fan, you won't be one by the end of this game. Actually, you're more likely to hate Lost after playing this game, I know I do. Let me shorten up my take on this game.... graphics, controls, and story... all suck.

Complete Chapters 1-7- 600G- Just completing each chapter will get net you more than 50% of the game's total gamerscore. That's not including all the necessary crap that you have to do just to get through the game. The other downer, is that you can skip most of the content and still get the cheevoz. Which means, HUGE holes in the story line.

Taking pictures of random shit-160G- I'm not going to get in to what you have to take pictures of and all that... I don't have the time or patience. Check a guide or something. However, I will say that the character will actually say, "It's worth a picture" when you come across an item that should be photographed for cheev progress.

Complete All 6 Flashbacks-150G- This one is pretty easy, and probably the most fun part of the game. You'll get an image of a picture, you just need to recreate the picture. Once you've completed that, just look around and examine everything, then talk to the person in the flashback. Check a guide for details.

Finally, I would say to avoid this game. It's a good thing the cheevz are so easy, or it wouldn't even be worth a rent. Overall, it's a crappy game and I hope you don't play it. If you do have to play it, make sure you milk it for all it's worth. At the end of the day, you'll walk away with a little less dignity, and a lot more gamerscore.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Arduous Ch33v0 Edition

This week has been a doozy. Do people still say "doozy"? Anyway, I was able to squeeze out some more ch33v0z in the final days of my time with Burnout Paradise, thanks to a boosting buddy. I also received Lost: Via Domus from Gamefly, and I've been trudging my way through that game... slowly. Let's take a look, shall we? This week in cheevz, the brutal harvest.

Burnout Paradise

Party Crasher-Completed 25 online Challenges-15G

Online and Kicking-Completed 20 online Events-30G

Notorious-Sent 50 Camera Shots-20G

Online Champion-Won 10 online Races-20G

Join the Party-Completed 1 online Challenge-10G

Happy Snapper-Sent 5 Camera Shots-10G

Flying Colors-Got your A Class License-50G

Shopaholic-Found all Drive Thrus and Car Parks-10G

Paid and Displayed-Found all Car Parks-20G

Explorer-Found all Events-10G

Ahhh, Burnout... you did provide those last cheevz that I had forsaken. Entertaining game, but alas, not good enough to stave off the return to Gamefly. The cheevo machine keeps on a rollin', you can't stop progress. Now, I was able to scoop up a couple of "find the location" cheevz and also boost some multiplayer cheevoz with Mike53414.

Shopaholic, Paid and Displayed, and Explorer(click one for it's map) all involve driving around and finding events, parking garages, and drive-thrus. I found some sweet maps that made this possible, and it doesn't take too long to get these done.
Happy Snapper and Notorious kind of suck, because you need the Xbox Live Vision camera attached. If you don't have a camera, you don't have these cheevs. Basically, you have to let someone get a take down on you 5 and then 50 times, respectively.

Online Champion and Online And Kicking are time consuming... more than they should be. You only need one other person, but actually setting up the events takes longer than said event. Quickest way to get these, set up a short race and just get it done. Make sure to edit the start of the race and the finish... get them as close together as possible to make this quick.

Join The Party and Party Crasher were actually the most fun I had in this game. This is the most fun mode of the game, if you have a buddy to play with. It involves you and the other players(up to 8) completing specific task. For example: head on collision mid air while jumping over a bridge! w00t to that. Anyway, complete 1 and 25, respectively.

Lost: Via Domus

Persephone-Discover all the memories in Flashback 5-30G

Into the hatch-Complete Episode 4-75G

Desmond's Past-Photograph: Kelvin's jump suit Medical cabinet with vaccines Desmond's mural-10G

A Turn of the Screw-Photograph A Turn of the Screw-10G

Radzinsky-Photograph bloodstain on the Swan ceiling-15G

Button pusher-Enter the numbers-15G

Identity crisis-Discover all the memories in Flashback 4-30G

Medical Station-Photograph Medical Station emblem-20G

Castaways' Treasures-Photograph: 1- Kate's plane 2- Charlie's guitar 3- Locke's wheelchair-10G

Via Domus-Complete Episode 3-50G

Beam of light-Photograph beam of light coming from the hatch-20G

4 8 15 16 23 42-Photograph numbers on sealed hatch-15G

Blackmailer-Convince Locke to help-15G

Behind the glass-Discover all the memories in Flashback 3-20G

Locate the cockpit-Complete Episode 2-25G

Sweet memory-Discover all the memories in Flashback 2-20G

Crash survivor-Complete Episode 1-25G

Save the castaways-Prevent the fuel leak from igniting-15G

815-Discover all the memories in Flashback 1-20G

Lost: Via Domus is... How can I put this? Crap. Hmmm, no... that's not it. It's total shit wrapped in bad gameplay, with some fucking stupid-ass story sprinkled on top. Seriously, it sucks. The graphics are ok. The character models range from "life-like" to "stick figure", but at least the environment is nice.

The story might make sense to fans of the show, but if you are playing this game as a new comer, it's retarded. Also, it's entirely possible to play through the entire game by doing the bare minimum, but in doing so key plot details get left out. So, it's like watching 10 minutes of a 2 hour movie. You'll know the title, and what the general idea behind it is... but you'll be completely LOST... I wish the pun was intended.

I'm slowly working my way through this game, one hour per night, which means I'll have it done in another 3 days or so. The only positive thing about this game? The easy and totally sweet cheevoz. I completely expect to get a full 1000 points. I should get an extra cheevo for actually putting up with this fucking shitty game.

Anyway, all I'm going to tell you about this game's ch33vz is that with each chapter completed the cheev score increases. So by the end, the final chapter is worth 200 points. If you need some help working your way through this fucking train wreck... plane crash... click this link and someone else will do all the work for me. Oh, and speaking of lazy, have you had a look at the picture tiles for the cheevos? There are 4 different cheevo tiles, THAT is LAZY! The pics for cheevs is half the fun! This game has a total of 4 that are used over and over. The silver suitcase, the gold book, and the gold or silver camera.

So that's it for this week. I've been really busy, but the ch33v0 work is paying off... that's right, I broke 25,000 points this week! w00t! Well on my way to 30,000 and beyond! With the departure of Burnout, be on the lookout for new Gamefly offerings. I'm hoping for Viking or Conan, but either way there will be cheevz. Also, keep an eye out for the conclusion of the Lost: Via Domus cheev-grab. I plan to have that fully completed and out of my life forever by next week. Keep your eyes on the prize people.