The Cheevolution Lives On!

That's right Cheevo fans. The Cheevolution is still alive and kicking, though we had to move underground. Kind of like the Jews did during the holocaust... Yeah, it's about the same. Anyway, racial insensitivity aside, I will be back to post this week. I've been playing some games here and there, and have gotten a few cheevos in the process but I had one problem... my xbox was not connecting to the Internet. That was peculiar because I was able to access the Internet on my computer, which is wireless, but the xbox is hardwired. So being the lazy person that I am, I just ignored the fact that I couldn't game online and played a few games offline, in the basement, eating a hotpocket.

Well the other night, my computer lost it's connection. After doing all the precursory troubleshooting, I sit down in frustration. That's when I heard it... the tell-tale sound of a dog chewing on something important. There was my puppy, chewing away on the coaxial cable connected to my modem. After chasing the dog out of the room with a 12 gauge shotgun, I dug under the bed to find out that my Ethernet cable connecting my xbox to the world, had been severed.

Well, with the mystery of the lost Internet connection solved, you'll be seeing me online with some new cheevos to be had.

Stand strong my fellow cheev lovers, for we will not go quietly into that good night.

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Gears Of War 2 Cheev Grind

Ok, this is a pathetic post, but it's a post nonetheless... so enjoy it. I did a small amount of gaming, and I'm currently grinding through an older game working on an older game, trying to unlock some of the more difficult cheevos. Since we are goin to be a bit lit in the cheevo department, I suggest you savor every ONE. So get ready to savor, and savor hard... because there is just one.



Gears Of War 2

Around the World, Again-Won a match on every map shipped with the game-30G




So I started playing Gears of War 2 again. Yeah it's been a while since I played this game, but there are plenty of unharvested cheevos just waiting to be plucked! Unfortunately, I have only been able to unlock one cheevo so far, but it's worth 30 points and it's pretty easy to get.

Around the World, Again is obtained by winning a game on each of the shipped maps. There are 10 total, and you can either play against online players or bots. Just set your matches to 1 round each, and put the AI difficulty on easy. 10 short rounds later and you will be looking at 30 points in the bucket.

So that's it! Really short, kind of sweet. I'm currently working on finishing off the GOW2 campaign on insane mode, and getting those sweet ass cheevos. Keep up the good fight, viva la Cheevolucion!

This Month In Ch33v0z, The Finally Posted Something Edition

The cheevz are flowing, they are flowing from all available orifices... kind of like that time I had I drank the water in Mexico... except that wasn't sweet cheevz that were flowing... it was feces, vomit, mucus and just a touch of semen. That was then, this is now, and the now is the sweet ass cheevos. This week is a combination of a month's worth of cheevin', because I'm lazy and because I have lost my computer. So there you have it. I played a few new games, formed a couple of opinions and worked in some sweet ass cheevos.



AFRO SAMURAI


The Past Laid to Rest-Complete "KUMA'S STORY"- 40G





Copy-Cat Killer-Complete "THE DOPPELGANGER"-35G





Rhythm Section-Achieve a total of 3000 combos-20G





The Path to Godhood-Complete "THE LOWDOWN EAST PASS"-30G





Slow Your Roll-Slice an enemy during their attack-5G





You Are Glue-Kill an enemy with a sliced bullet-10G





This Little Piggy-Slice off fingers and toes at the same time-10G





Torso From Tail-Slice 50 bellies-15G





Hatamoto-Unlock 25 skills-20G





I Am Rubber-Kill an enemy with a reflected bullet-10G





Love Lost-Complete "OKIKU'S STORY"-25G





The Price for Vengeance-Complete "SWORD MASTER'S STORY"-20G





Ashigaru-Unlock 10 skills-10G





The Death of Innocence-Complete "SCHOOL INVASION"-15G





A Secret History-Complete "THE DAIMYO'S STORY"-10G





Three-way-Slice 3 enemies at once-5G





Meijin-Achieve 100 kills-5G





Mash Medley-Achieve a 20 hit combo-5G





And so it begins-Complete "PRELUDE"-5G





Two Birds One Sword-Slice 2 enemies at once-5G





Hip Hop-Slice off an enemy's foot-10G





Give Me a Hand-Slice off an enemy's hand-10G





Closer to God-Slice an enemy using a Vertical Attack with a bonus-5G





Hats Off to You-Slice off a head with a bonus-5G





Ok, this is a pretty cool game if you are button mashin' freak. It's got a lot of violence, and gore, which are two MAJOR pluses in my book. Though, the platforming aspect is quite frustrating and the camera is AWFUL. The camera is crap in fact, it's so much crap that coupled with the shitty platforming I couldn't even finish the game. It hands out the cheevz rather freely, but I came close to throwing my controller after I fell of a ledge for the 132513651365 time. That is my sign to quit playing the game, and cut my losses... yes, I'm a quitter.

Not a lot of tips here, mainly because I've already forgotten how to play the game. I will give you a quick tip on two cheevz. I Am Rubber and You Are Glue are ch33v0z involving the "snipers" in the game. Just wait for the sniper to fire, hit your left trigger and then X or Y depending on which cheevo you want. Wait for the tip of the sword to sparkle, then release. You'll fire the bullet back at the sniper or explode it killing those around you. Booya.

Paintball 2009


Reload Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Reload Skill-40G





Communication Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Communication Skill-50G




Speed Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Speed Skill-40G





Handling Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Marker Skill-40G





Accuracy Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Accuracy Skill-40G




Ok, first of all I just want to let everyone know one thing. This game is not good. The graphics suck, and it's boring and even a little frustrating. Though, you can score a few cheevos in relatively short order.

Here is the tip. Win a couple of matches and use the money you get from those matches to upgrade your accuracy skills. This will not only net you a 40 point cheev, but it will increase the likelihood of you achieving hits. Then during every match, flank left or right and send your team straight up the middle. This will let you pick of opponents while they are distracted by your team. As you win, spend your money on increasing your stats instead of gear. You'll get the skill cheevos out of the way in short order.


Halo Wars


Crushed Colors-Improved your Score in any Campaign Mission-10G

No Way Home?-Completed Act IV on any difficulty-70G

Thinkin' about My Doorbell-Mission 15: Opened the Doors in order-5G

Momma's Boy-Got a Gold Medal on any mission-5G

Ugly is only Skin Deep-Completed Act III on any difficulty-70G

Sweet Naptime-Mission 9: Put every Colony in Hibernation Mode at the same time-5G




Key to Pirth-Completed Act II on any difficulty-50G

Ice Warriors-Completed Act I on any difficulty-40G

Alas, Poor Andrew Thomas-Collected your first Skull-5G

This is a great game, and I feel bad for not giving it more time. As you can see, I powered through the game and got pretty much the minimum of cheevos. With the exception of stumbling on a skull or two, these cheevos are gained through completion of the game. I will make time to give it another playthrough and work on some of those lost cheevos.


Peggle

Rock Lobster-Ze flippers for ze win!-15G





Go ULTRA!-Ultra extremely cleared all the pegs in a level-15G





Be Cool-Totally hit a Cool Clear AND Ultra Extreme Fever. Tubular!-10G





Peggle Graduate-Completed the primary course of study at the Peggle Institute-20G




Party Master-Winning a Peg Party is way better than playing with a ball of yarn!-10G




Stylish Project-A million style shot points. Crazy, Style, Cool-15G





Catch the Fever-Cured the need for fever with an Extreme Fever-5G





Oh Peggle, it's crack rolled in heroin and by that I mean it's super addictive. This game rocks, or "rawks" if you are a pre-teen. It's awesome and there isn't much more to it than that... buy it, play it, live it.

Most of the cheevs I got came from tenacity and luck, give that a try. I will comment on the Rock Lobster cheevo. That's obtained by winning an online match playing as the lobster.


Saint's Row 2

Welcome Back-Completed the Saints Revival prologue-5G




I tried to play this game. However, just like it's predecessor I was only able to stick it out for a single cheevo. Something about the story is not appealing. Now, if we are talking GTA that's a different story. I just can't seem to get into this game, in any iteration. So there you go.

Call of Duty: World At War

It’s All about Prestige-You achieved the first level of Prestige. Only 9 more to go-0G




So with all this Double XP nonsense, I decided to "go prestige". Apparently this unlocks the Satan of all cheevos, the zero point cheev. Bastards.

The Dishwasher


Untouchable-Get 21 kills without getting hit once-21G





The Peter Moore Achievement-Hit the Xbox Guide button while playing a killer solo-8G




The First Encounter-Defeat the dude on the horse-10G





I've loved this game since I first experienced the demo a year ago. Little has changed and it's still a pretty sweet little game. For button mashers, this game is all you... and violence fans? Well, there something in there for you too.


Since this is going to be an extremely long post anyway, I'm going to make this short. I'm going to take the next few months to work on some of the cheevos that have been forgotten. Also, my gaming time has been SEVERELY limited, due to lack of interest in gaming. Yeah, that's right... I said it. I've been putting all my time into masturbation and constructing intricate dreamcatchers. Don't worry though, the grind will continue... stay vigilant and be on the look out... cheevo on brothers and sisters.

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Call Of Halo Wars Edition

So another week goes by. I actually was out of new games for most of the week, since I had to send F.E.A.R. Files back to Gamefly on the grounds that it was a shitty game. I had to pull from my library of games, and work on some older cheevz. I also received a new game at the end of the week! That's right, Halo Wars! w00t! Skip down for the cheevy goodness.




Call of Duty: World at War

Architect-Completed 'Vendetta' on Veteran difficulty-30G





The Sword Is Broken-Completed 'Hard Landing' on Veteran difficulty-30G





Bloody Peleliu-Completed 'Little Resistance' on Veteran difficulty-30G





So I went back to get some cheevz in COD:WAW. What I like about the COD games is that while these cheevs are difficult to get, they aren't impossible. A little perseverance and a little patience goes a long way when hitting the game up for these cheevz. Not to mention, 30 points a pop is well worth it. Tips for these? Just be a badass motherfucker. That's all.


Halo Wars

Meet Sergeant Forge-Completed Mission 1 on any difficulty-10G





This one isn't special, and will come with normal play. I just got into the game, and so far I like it... a lot. It's awesome in all the right ways, and it's Halo! I want to thank my lovely girlfriend for getting me the limited edition, so now my warthogs have little flames painted on them... teh 1337.

So, that's it for this week. Yeah, I know it's not overly informative or interesting but what do you expect for nothing?! Send your checks to ZEBRA NINER at 123 Eff Yoo St El Mirage, AZ and I'll personally write an informative, thorough, and sexually stimulating blog on anything your heart desires. Stay tuned for next week, I've got more Halo Wars on the way and a look at the new Paintball game! w00t!

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Good Night Sweet Prince Edition

The flood gates of cheeviness have reopened. As promised, of course... take that Obama! Anyway, I'm finally finished with Prince of Persia and thank god... that game tested my last nerve. So, without further ado, this week in ch33vz.




To be continued…-Congratulations, the game is complete..the story has only just begun...-80G




Speed Demon-Congratulations, you finished the game in under 12 hours-10G





Precious Time-Congratulations, you know when to stop-10G





From Darkness…Light!-Congratulations, you have reimprisoned Ahriman-30G





Explorer-Congratulations, you have explored the whole land-20G





Saviour of the City of Light-Congratulations, the world has been healed-50G





Traitor's End-Congratulations, you have killed the Alchemist-20G





Climbing to New Heights!-Congratulations, you have found the highest place in the world-10G




Light Seeds Hoarder-Congratulations, you have collected 600 Light Seeds-10G





Now who's the Hunter?-Congratulations, you have killed the Hunter-20G





Speed Kill-Congratulations, you have killed 10 enemies before they spawned-10G





Light Seeds Harvester-Congratulations, you have collected 500 Light Seeds-10G





In Harmony-Congratulations, you have learned to work with Elika-10G





Alchemist Special-Congratulations, you can dominate the Alchemist-20G





Death of a Warrior King-Congratulations, you have killed the Warrior-20G





Throw Master-Congratulations, you have mastered throwing enemies-10G





It's finally over. Not that the game is incredibly long, but the fact that it's not awesome makes it seem much longer. So I manged to slowly trudge my way through the game, and now I'm free of it. I banish thee to Gamefly land!

There are only a few cheevos you can miss in this game. The only two on this list are Precious Time and Speed Demon .

Speed Demon requires that you finish the game within 12 hours, which should be easy for most because you want to finish this game as quickly as possible... because it's crap.

Precious Time can be attained near the end of the game. *spoiler warning* When Elika dies at the end of the game, after a short cut scene you will be holding her in your arms. Just stay still for 60 seconds, get up and do something. The ch33v0 will unlock on it's own.

So that's about it for this game. I managed to finish it, and I'm glad I don't have to look at it again. I will say that there was potential for a good game there, but overall it turned out to rate as crap in my opinion. The one saving grace in this entire game? The cheevo payoff at the end. It's pretty substantial as you can see, so if there is a small desire to see this game to the end.

Oh, speaking of the end of this game... COMPLETE SHIT. The end of the game made everything you do in the game, pointless. IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING! Crap ending.

That's it for this week. I've had F.E.A.R. Files for two weeks and have yet to crack the seal on the envelope! Hopefully I will delve into that game this week. I'm currently awaiting my next Gamefly shipment, and hopefully crossing my fingers for a chance to play Afro Samurai. Also, next week is the Halo Wars release week, so expect to see something on that in the near future! Cheev it up, my fellow cheev hounds!

This Week In Ch33v0z, Please Sir, Can I Have Some More?

Ok, Ok... I know I said there would be change. I know I said we would get out of this bad ch33vonomy. However, like any other good politician I was lying. So, we are still lacking a flow of sweet cheevz. I will be playing more this week, and I've got a few ideas to harvest some cheevz. Now I just need something called "free time"... I know it exists, I just have to find it.

Light Seeds Locator-Congratulations, you have collected 400 Light Seeds-10G





Warrior Special-Congratulations, you have mastered fighting the Warrior-20G





Light Seeds Provider-Congratulations, you have collected 300 Light Seeds-10G





Hunter Special-Congratulations, you can deflect the Hunter's attacks-20G





Death of a Concubine-Congratulations, you have killed the Concubine-20G





This game is a no brainer. Most of these cheevs unlock with normal gameplay. I do want to note two specific cheevz.

Hunter Special and Warrior Special require you to do a QTE(quick time event) and hit a button. Hit the A button + up or down on the Left stick when fighting the Warrior. Hit the Right Trigger to deflect the block of the Hunter to unlock that specific cheev.

So I'm really bored with games right now. Not only that, but I'm super busy. Couple that with the fact that Prince of Persia was a game made for brain dead babies and you've got formula for a lackluster cheevo grab. Don't worry cheev hounds, I will open the floodgates of the cheev dam!

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Great Ch33vpression Edition

Ok, so this week my cheevo count is less than... impressive. That can be attributed to two things:

1. I've been ridiculously busy with work and home life.
2. When I DO play, I would rather play Call of Duty:WAW multiplayer

Anyway, now that I'm done making excuses, as you can see the cheevs did not flow. We are in a cheevonomic crisis. The cheevonomy is in peril, but as your Cheevident(it's like president for cheevos), I can promise that I will change that... it's time for a change... and change for the ch33v0.



Concubine Special-Congratulations, you kept your distance-20G





Light Seeds Collector-Congratulations, you have collected 200 Light Seeds-10G





Improviser-Congratulations, you used the environment to your advantage-10G





Deflect Master-Congratulations, you have mastered the art of Deflecting-20G





Good Company-Congratulations, you have an inquisitive mind-10G





So that's it for this week. This game could already by over with, but I'm taking my sweet ass time. It's ok, but don't buy it. EVER.

So that's it for this week. Short and not very sweet. The cheevo depression will end, as I vow to game this week! I'm also getting F.E.A.R. Files from Gamefly, so hopefully I will make some time to pop that game in. This week I plan to finish Prince Of Persia, and hopefully get something good from Gamefly! Until next week People of Ch33v0ria (still working on the name). Cheeveraria? Cheevugauy? Cheevbabwe? I'm open to suggestions.

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Prince Of Persia Edition

Welcome fellow cheev-hounds, you have survived another week of sweet, sweet cheevin'. This week offered a welcome change of pace, I was hit with a new game from my Gamefly queue and bid a fond(not so fond) farewell to a sub-par game. Dig, my friends, dig deep into all the cheevy goodness.

Prince Of Persia

Block Master-Congratulations, you have mastered the art of Blocking-20G





Light Seeds Finder-Congratulations, you have collected 100 Light Seeds-10G





Getting to Know You-Congratulations, you are learning about Elika and her world-10G




Heal the Land-Congratulations, the first part of the world is healed-30G





Compass-Congratulations, Elika can now guide you-10G





Wallrunner-Congratulations, you have learned the basic moves-10G




Where's that Temple?-Congratulations, you have talked to Elika-10G




Saved!-Congratulations, you have unlocked Elika's saving ability-10G





Up against it-Congratulations, you have survived a close encounter-10G





Into the Storm…-Congratulations, you have started the adventure!-10G




So it's a new game! w00t for that! Though, as you might imagine it offers up some problems that I'm going to mention here.

First of all, you can't die. If you fall, you will be magically saved and returned to the last spot you were standing... which is handy if you get easily frustrated (that's me). So not much of a problem, but I can see all the other game nerds getting pissed about it's lack of "hardcoreness"... that's not a word.

The voice acting is crap! This game is supposed to be set in the middle east... Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it's in English, but they don't speak with accents! Well, let me restate that... they DO speak with accents, the same accent that Keanu Reeves has:

Prince- "Hey Elika, we should totally run up that wall over there... that would be frickin' sweet!"

Elika- "Like, totally! Let me just adjust my trendy hair and bare midriff and we'll do this shit!"

Prince- "This is tubular and gnarly, bro!"

Ok, so maybe I embellished a little bit, but you get my point.

The graphics a sweet though, and it's relatively enjoyable.

Finally, it gives up the cheevs like a cheap mexican hooker down at Gua Gua's Cantina. This game spreads them pretty easily, but it's guilty of having very unoriginal cheevo discription and the ulitmate sin of using the same picture for each cheev. Congratulations! Your is gay and so are the ch33v0 pics.

Do I have any tips for this game? Hell no! These cheevs just unlock. I actually got a cheevo for moving the left stick forward... WTF?

That's it folks! Pick up Prince of Persia(POP) if you want some easy cheevos are have kids that get frustrated easily... or if you get frustrated easily and act like a kid, then hit your mom with a taco. Anyway, look for some more POP cheevs next week, and hopefully a new game(hoping for Afro Samurai). Stay tuned, keep cheevin!

Ch33v0 Hunt: The Vow Of Completion

The hunt for lost cheevoz continues! For your viewing pleasure, another small excerpt from my list of unharvested games. Some of these games got buried under the avalanche of fantastic games, and others where enjoyed but not harvested for their full potential. There were other games, that haven't even been played. Some day I will make my way back through them... mark my words, it will be done.


Mirror's Edge- This is a sweet ass game! I love this game, and I've beaten it. Though, I feel I got screwed out of my Test Of Faith cheevo, and I want to milk the rest of the speed run cheevz. This game has NOT been harvested to it's full potential. Be on the lookout for a couple of cheevos coming from this game soon.


Saint's Row- Not only is this one consider a "classic" by many gamers, it's also supposed to be really violent. That combination is gold in my world... gold. Yet I couldn't get into this game, and manged to unlock 2 cheevos. Pathetic right? Well fuck you for judging me! You don't know me!


Command And Conquer 3- I've always loved real time strategy(RTS) games! Of course, I've only played them on a computer and on the PS one. I have fond memories of playing Command And Conquer: Red Alert on my old PlayStation. So I expected to LOVE this game... yet, once I was in the game... there was no snap, no crackle and definitely no pop. Then again, who needs all that when you've got sweet cheevoz callin' ?

Spiderman 3- Well, what can I say? Swinging around NYC on a web is tons of fun, but the combat... total rubbish. You see what happened there? I used the word "rubbish", that's how much rubbish is in this game. GOD DAMN IT, I'm not even British!


Perfect Dark Zero- Yeah, it's older than shit... but that make this even worse. You see... I haven't even unlocked ONE SINGLE CHEEVO from this game. To be honest, it's a horrible game... just horrible. Anyone want to boost multiplayer cheevos?


Yet another short list of games that I own, which I haven't played enough of... or at all. Yes, it's sad and pathetic, but so is your mom. Keep your eyes peeled, I may play one of these games and unlock some sweet ass cheevs... or maybe not.

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Brothers In Arms: Far Cry 2 Edition

So another week has passed us by. Honestly, I haven't been gaming all that much this week. I got my sweet cheevos over last weekend and I've been coasting off that high all week. I was able to get back to Far Cry, and finish up the cheev-fountain that is Brother In Arms: HH. So, get ready for the flow of ch33vz... let them rain down upon your face. That's right, take it all... bitch.




Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway

Focused-Played the game on seven different days-25G





Abandon All Hope-Completed Chapter Ten: "Tooth and Nail"-150G





Situation FUBAR-Completed Chapter Nine: "Hell's Highway"-50G





Weather the Storm-Completed Chapter Eight : "Black Friday"-45G





Tons of Fun-Killed 5 enemies with the hull of a tank-10G





Action Camera Hero-Triggered 25 Action Camera moments-40G





Anti-Tank-Destroyed an enemy tank-10G





Recon Bronze-Found six Recon Points-15G





Through the Looking Glass-Completed Chapter Seven : "The Rabbit Hole"-40G




Hellfire-Completed Chapter Six : "Baptism of Fire"-35G





Calling in the Cavalry-Completed Chapter Five : "Operation Garden"-30G





The Kloosterdreef Incident-Completed Chapter Four : "Written in Stone"-25G




Action Camera Veteran-Triggered 10 Action Camera moments-20G





Objective SNAFU-Completed Chapter Three : "The Five Oh Sink"-20G





Bunker Buster-Destroyed a sandbag emplacement with a bazooka team-10G





So I managed to buckle down and finish off Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway over the weekend. It's a mediocre game at best. The story is confusing, and the gameplay is a tad repetitive. Also, babysitting your stupid AI gets to be tedious and time consuming. However, when I look back at the experience it was relatively enjoyable. The best part of it all? The cheevz flowed like wine! This game is CHEEVTASTIC! So here is the breakdown:

Focused isn't a hard one to get, but it requires that you play the game for 7 days in a row. Who the fuck wants to do that? There is a site that explains a clever way for you to get this cheevo, with a couple of presses of a button. Click here to check it out.

Anti-Tank and Tons Of Fun aren't hard to get, but they are secret cheevz. Have at it.


Far Cry 2

Dawa ya moto ni moto-Broke the ceasefire and reignited the conflict-20G





I'm so sick of this game. I just want it to be over. I don't think I'm going to keep it for much longer. I'm actually getting angry just thinking about it.

So that's it! I'm getting a new game from Gamefly, which as of press time is: UNKNOWN. Hopefully I'll see some Prince of Persia or Tombraider. Tune in next week, same cheev-time, same cheev-channel! POW! BANG! ZIP!