Friday, March 13, 2009

This Month In Ch33v0z, The Finally Posted Something Edition

The cheevz are flowing, they are flowing from all available orifices... kind of like that time I had I drank the water in Mexico... except that wasn't sweet cheevz that were flowing... it was feces, vomit, mucus and just a touch of semen. That was then, this is now, and the now is the sweet ass cheevos. This week is a combination of a month's worth of cheevin', because I'm lazy and because I have lost my computer. So there you have it. I played a few new games, formed a couple of opinions and worked in some sweet ass cheevos.


The Past Laid to Rest-Complete "KUMA'S STORY"- 40G

Copy-Cat Killer-Complete "THE DOPPELGANGER"-35G

Rhythm Section-Achieve a total of 3000 combos-20G

The Path to Godhood-Complete "THE LOWDOWN EAST PASS"-30G

Slow Your Roll-Slice an enemy during their attack-5G

You Are Glue-Kill an enemy with a sliced bullet-10G

This Little Piggy-Slice off fingers and toes at the same time-10G

Torso From Tail-Slice 50 bellies-15G

Hatamoto-Unlock 25 skills-20G

I Am Rubber-Kill an enemy with a reflected bullet-10G

Love Lost-Complete "OKIKU'S STORY"-25G

The Price for Vengeance-Complete "SWORD MASTER'S STORY"-20G

Ashigaru-Unlock 10 skills-10G

The Death of Innocence-Complete "SCHOOL INVASION"-15G

A Secret History-Complete "THE DAIMYO'S STORY"-10G

Three-way-Slice 3 enemies at once-5G

Meijin-Achieve 100 kills-5G

Mash Medley-Achieve a 20 hit combo-5G

And so it begins-Complete "PRELUDE"-5G

Two Birds One Sword-Slice 2 enemies at once-5G

Hip Hop-Slice off an enemy's foot-10G

Give Me a Hand-Slice off an enemy's hand-10G

Closer to God-Slice an enemy using a Vertical Attack with a bonus-5G

Hats Off to You-Slice off a head with a bonus-5G

Ok, this is a pretty cool game if you are button mashin' freak. It's got a lot of violence, and gore, which are two MAJOR pluses in my book. Though, the platforming aspect is quite frustrating and the camera is AWFUL. The camera is crap in fact, it's so much crap that coupled with the shitty platforming I couldn't even finish the game. It hands out the cheevz rather freely, but I came close to throwing my controller after I fell of a ledge for the 132513651365 time. That is my sign to quit playing the game, and cut my losses... yes, I'm a quitter.

Not a lot of tips here, mainly because I've already forgotten how to play the game. I will give you a quick tip on two cheevz. I Am Rubber and You Are Glue are ch33v0z involving the "snipers" in the game. Just wait for the sniper to fire, hit your left trigger and then X or Y depending on which cheevo you want. Wait for the tip of the sword to sparkle, then release. You'll fire the bullet back at the sniper or explode it killing those around you. Booya.

Paintball 2009

Reload Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Reload Skill-40G

Communication Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Communication Skill-50G

Speed Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Speed Skill-40G

Handling Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Marker Skill-40G

Accuracy Skill Proficency-Maxed out the main character's Accuracy Skill-40G

Ok, first of all I just want to let everyone know one thing. This game is not good. The graphics suck, and it's boring and even a little frustrating. Though, you can score a few cheevos in relatively short order.

Here is the tip. Win a couple of matches and use the money you get from those matches to upgrade your accuracy skills. This will not only net you a 40 point cheev, but it will increase the likelihood of you achieving hits. Then during every match, flank left or right and send your team straight up the middle. This will let you pick of opponents while they are distracted by your team. As you win, spend your money on increasing your stats instead of gear. You'll get the skill cheevos out of the way in short order.

Halo Wars

Crushed Colors-Improved your Score in any Campaign Mission-10G

No Way Home?-Completed Act IV on any difficulty-70G

Thinkin' about My Doorbell-Mission 15: Opened the Doors in order-5G

Momma's Boy-Got a Gold Medal on any mission-5G

Ugly is only Skin Deep-Completed Act III on any difficulty-70G

Sweet Naptime-Mission 9: Put every Colony in Hibernation Mode at the same time-5G

Key to Pirth-Completed Act II on any difficulty-50G

Ice Warriors-Completed Act I on any difficulty-40G

Alas, Poor Andrew Thomas-Collected your first Skull-5G

This is a great game, and I feel bad for not giving it more time. As you can see, I powered through the game and got pretty much the minimum of cheevos. With the exception of stumbling on a skull or two, these cheevos are gained through completion of the game. I will make time to give it another playthrough and work on some of those lost cheevos.


Rock Lobster-Ze flippers for ze win!-15G

Go ULTRA!-Ultra extremely cleared all the pegs in a level-15G

Be Cool-Totally hit a Cool Clear AND Ultra Extreme Fever. Tubular!-10G

Peggle Graduate-Completed the primary course of study at the Peggle Institute-20G

Party Master-Winning a Peg Party is way better than playing with a ball of yarn!-10G

Stylish Project-A million style shot points. Crazy, Style, Cool-15G

Catch the Fever-Cured the need for fever with an Extreme Fever-5G

Oh Peggle, it's crack rolled in heroin and by that I mean it's super addictive. This game rocks, or "rawks" if you are a pre-teen. It's awesome and there isn't much more to it than that... buy it, play it, live it.

Most of the cheevs I got came from tenacity and luck, give that a try. I will comment on the Rock Lobster cheevo. That's obtained by winning an online match playing as the lobster.

Saint's Row 2

Welcome Back-Completed the Saints Revival prologue-5G

I tried to play this game. However, just like it's predecessor I was only able to stick it out for a single cheevo. Something about the story is not appealing. Now, if we are talking GTA that's a different story. I just can't seem to get into this game, in any iteration. So there you go.

Call of Duty: World At War

It’s All about Prestige-You achieved the first level of Prestige. Only 9 more to go-0G

So with all this Double XP nonsense, I decided to "go prestige". Apparently this unlocks the Satan of all cheevos, the zero point cheev. Bastards.

The Dishwasher

Untouchable-Get 21 kills without getting hit once-21G

The Peter Moore Achievement-Hit the Xbox Guide button while playing a killer solo-8G

The First Encounter-Defeat the dude on the horse-10G

I've loved this game since I first experienced the demo a year ago. Little has changed and it's still a pretty sweet little game. For button mashers, this game is all you... and violence fans? Well, there something in there for you too.

Since this is going to be an extremely long post anyway, I'm going to make this short. I'm going to take the next few months to work on some of the cheevos that have been forgotten. Also, my gaming time has been SEVERELY limited, due to lack of interest in gaming. Yeah, that's right... I said it. I've been putting all my time into masturbation and constructing intricate dreamcatchers. Don't worry though, the grind will continue... stay vigilant and be on the look out... cheevo on brothers and sisters.

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