Friday, May 30, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Gamefly Harvest Edition

Damn son, the ch33v0z were flowing this week. This week I worked on my Gamefly stash, and harvested MANY cheevos! I worked Bully and The Club, and they are paying out very well. The Club hands out the ch33v0z like they are free, every one harvested this week was done in a couple of hours. Due to the staggering amount of cheevos, I'm going to abbreviate this week's list.

The Club

Listmania-Save 5 Playlists in GunPlay.-5G

Tabletopper-Get in the top 5,000 on any leaderboard in Tournament.-25G

Save our Souls-Spell the word SOS in the Warehouse in either Tournament or Single Event.-20G

Sprint the Gauntlet-Complete a Run the Gauntlet with 20 seconds left.-20G

Scavenger-Shoot All Skullshots on one level in either Tournament or Single Event.-10G

Scores on the Board-Get in the top 100,000 on any leaderboard.-10G

Rack em Up-Achieve your first x10 combo in either Tournament or Single Event.-10G

Top Gun-Get more than 10,000 points for a single kill in either Tournament or Single Event.-25G

I also unlocked 10 other ch33v0z, worth another 150 points that are story related. Each level has a series of rounds, passing each level on any difficulty will net you 10 points. Passing any level on Insane difficulty will net you an additional 20 points. These are stackable, so you can get 30 points for each level passed. The Insanity difficulty is not very hard for an intermediate skilled player.

On to the cheev0s! These should all be relatively easy to unlock. Top Gun and Rack em Up will probably get unlocked together. Just keep your kill meter high, and you will unlock this, the x10 combo is very easy to gain.

Table Topper and Scores on the Board are simple as well. Just put the difficulty setting at easy, and play as well as you can. These are both easily unlocked.

Save our Souls is easily missed, or misunderstood. This is obtained in the Warehouse level, first event "Ghetto Blaster". At the end of the level, you are on a rooftop. Behind the level exit, at the edge of the roof, there is signage that reads "Clarke & SOnS. Ltd". Shoot every letter(and the period too) to spell out SOS and you'll unlock this sweet ass cheev.

Sprint the Gauntlet can be done on the any difficulty. I got it on the insane(because that's how I roll) and it wasn't too hard. Just play a Gauntlet level, like "Run Of The Mill"(first level, 6th event), and haul ass through it. Don't kill everyone, just make sure to run!

Scavenger can be done on ANY level, try a sprint event or a siege event. You can take your time on a sprint event, and the siege events are typically small enough to see all skulls.

Listmania is really easy, go into the menu and create a play list. Just create and save 5, they can be one map each. That's a quick 5 points for you.

BULLY: Scholarship Edition

BLACK & WHITE & READ ALL OVER-Complete All Paper Route Missions-20G

SOPHOMORE-Complete Chapter 2-20G

BOY GENIUS-Complete 9 Classes-30G

EGGSELLENT!-Egg 25 cars-20G

THE WHEEL DEAL-Perform 200 wheelies on the bike-25G

SODA 'LICIOUS-Buy 100 sodas-20G

HELPING HAND-Complete 10 Errand Missions-20G

IT’S ALL IN THE WRISTS-Complete All 4 of the Carnival Games once-20G

TEACHER’S PET-Complete 6 Classes-20G

FRESHMAN-Complete Chapter 1-20G

SKIDMARK-Give 50 wedgies-25G

SMART MOUTH-Say 100 taunts-25G

WATCH YOUR STEP-Trip 25 people with marbles-20G

Not only is this game fun, but as you get going, the cheevz start rolling in! You can also stack all of your stats in the menu option, which really helps give you an idea of what is needed to unlock that next ch33v0. Most of the cheevos that I unlocked are either self explanatory, or story driven, which means a lot of cheev grinding. I will give you some tips to ease the harvest.

Skidmark, The Wheel Deal, Teacher's Pet, Boy Genius, and Helping Hand are just going to have to be done the old fashioned way. Anyway you want, no tips there. Smart Mouth is also another grind, but there is a tip that was featured in Ch33v0z in a minute! Click here to read about it. Watch Your Step doesn't take too long, and you can find marbles near the bus near the auto shop (it's the only bus in the game).

Soda 'Licious can be done by purchasing 100 sodas anywhere, but it's easiest after passing your Freshman year(first level), when the town opens up to you. If you make your way to a store, you can buy 100 sodas with the press of a button, which means you can buy them in bulk all at once. You can also purchase eggs at the store, which will be instrumental getting the Eggsellent cheevo!

It's All In The Wrists only states that you have to complete all 4 carnival games, not win them.

Black & White & Read All Over will take about 5-10 minutes. You have to complete all 5 paper route missions, and they are VERY easy. After you complete each mission, return to the $ on the map and start the next mission. The left trigger will lock on to the mail box, the right trigger will fire the paper. Hole in one, every time.

Lots of stuff this week, tons of ch33voz. It seems that Gamefly is paying off, and it's paying off in the sweetest currency(besides cash), teh ch33v0z. The Club seems to be a quick and easy way to harvest the cheevz, and as a bonus... it's actually kind of fun! I'm going to give my thumbs way up on both games from a cheevo perspective, and I think both are a lot of fun and should be given a try.

Next week will bring more Bully and The Club cheevos. I'm still working on GTA, and hopefully I I'll see something there(not likely). I'm also looking forward to the impending release of Ninja Gaiden II, which means I need to finish up these games and get them shipped back. The ch330vz await, can you handle them?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ch33v0z In A Minute!

After an utterly cheevtastic holiday weekend, I've come back battered and bruised... but not broken. Here is another installment of... CHEEVOS IN A MINUTE!!!! These three cheevos shouldn't take you more than 5 minutes, and a retarded monkey with only one eye could accomplish it. If you can't, then you are basically admitting that you aren't as smart as a retarded monkey... with one eye. Loser.


SMART MOUTH- Say 100 taunts.-25G This is VERY easy. To taunt, press the "B" button. That's it... So here is the quick and easy way to get this one. Find a relatively secluded spot(you'll be hassled less) and get into a fight. Once you defeat your foe(knock him out), target him with the left trigger and press "B" 100 times. He'll lay there, rolling around like a bitch and you'll just talk shit to him for about 1-2 minutes. You can check your taunt count in your stats menu.

Project Gotham Racing 4

Rubbin' is Racin'-Knock off the wing mirrors on all of your opponents' vehicles in a Single Player Street Race event.-20G This is easier than you might imagine. Set up a custom race, with only one other opponent. Choose a fast car for yourself, and a slow one for the CPU (or a slow motorcycle). Set the laps for 10 or so, and use a track with a long straight away like the Las Vegas strip. Then BASH the shit out of them! Make sure you hit both sides, and grind them really good. The ch33v0 will unlock once it's done. w00t!

Catch 'Em All-Swap paint with every opponent in an eight vehicle race.-5GIt's only 5 points, but since you are setting up custom races, might as well snag it. Same as the Rubbin' ch33v0, you just set up your opponents with crappy cars(think mini cooper). Then bash those fuckers good. If you get a little hard while doing this, it's completely normal... I mean, that happens to everyone right?

So that's an easy 50 points, and you get to work out some aggression and cruelty! What could be better? Hate sex? Yeah, that would be better, but this is a ch33v0 site. Anyway, enjoy those quick and dirty cheevz.

Friday, May 23, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Bully: Tetris Edition

This week was rather scant in the world of teh ch33v0z. I further harvested some Tetris cheevos, and worked on my Gamefly rental Bully: Scholarship Edition. I also attempted to make some progress on Condemned: Bloodshot and GTA, but was completely shut down! Oh teh ch33v0z, you fickle sluts.

Tetris Evolution

Race Bronze Medal-Cleared 40 lines in under 4:00 playing Race (Single Player)-10G

Take it Off the Top-Cleared line 20 of the Matrix-50G

Marathon Tin Medal-Got 100,000 points playing Marathon-5G

Oh Tetris, how I hate you. Tetris is a classic game, but it also PISSES me off. These ch33v0z are pretty standard and self explanatory. Take it Off the Top isn't hard, but it should be done early in the game. Just drop tetriminos(tetris blocks) down in any order, and clear the top line... booyah, 50 bones. Otherwise, it's freakin' Tetris, you just play the damn thing.

Bully: Scholarship Edition

KEENER-Complete 3 Classes-20G

KICKIN' THE BALLS-Kick 100 soccer balls-20G

AFTER HOURS-Spend 5 hours out after curfew-20G

My first offering from the Gamefly harvest! I've been wanting to play this game since in launched on PS2 a couple of years ago. That was before I knew the power of teh ch33v0z. I never did get to play it, and I'm glad that I didn't, because I would have missed out on all of the sweet cheevz and wonderful Xbox 360 HD play! On to the cheevos!

AFTER HOURS is probably the first ch33v0 you'll unlock in the game. It only requires you to spend 5 hours out after curfew. This can be accomplished in your first two nights, since your curfew is 10pm.

KICKIN' THE BALLS requires you to kick a soccer ball 100 times. It's a little tedious, but for 20 points give yourself 20 minutes of game time and get it done. Take the opportunity to get it handled while breaking your curfew! You have to press the punch/kick button for it to count. Two soccer balls can be found in front of the boys dorm, which has walls around it and keeps the balls from getting away. You can check your number of soccer balls kicked in your stats menu. Oh, and for good measure, just to say it one more time... BALLS.

KEENER is relatively easy. You just have to attend and pass 3 classes. Each class is a mini game, there are 10 different classes. It's not hard, at all.

THAT is the week in ch33v0z. Next week should bring more Bully cheevz, and hopefully some cheevos from my other Gamefly feature, The Club. I'm also working on gathering all the packages from GTA4, with the help of a handy guide! Stupid pigeons. This week should also bring the shattering of the 21,000 point barrier on my gamertag, only 16 points to go! See you next week... and remember to keep your cheevz fast and dirty, just like your women.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Passing Teh Ch33v0s On

Just letting the Ch33v0 community know that I ran into a young soul on Craigslist that is about to learn just how awesome ch33v0s are.

Being a person that occasionally botches a mod on a friends OG Xbox, sorry Zebra, I am always looking for a new one to replace my failed attempt at becoming that l337 hacker. That being said, I posted a wanted add on Craigslist for an original Xbox and I received numerous replies but one person caught my attention. Being cheap bastard, I was drawn to Bryce who was selling an Xbox with four controllers, four games, and all the fixins for 75 bucks. Being the swarthy business man that I am, I was able to talk him down to 50 then up to 60 for reasons that I still don't understand.

After a day of correspondence, I agreed to come and pick up my "new" old Xbox over E-mail and awaited his call on bated breath. This Xbox would be mine...

As he instructed, he called when he got out of school (in my mind this made him a year round college student), and I was surprised to hear a teenage boy on the other end of the phone.

"I'll let my mom give you the directions to my house..." is what he said and I immediately thought that Chris Hanson was standing next to him, coaxing me in.

After making sure that I had his mother's permission to but her son's Xbox, I headed over to Gilbert to pick it up. As my girlfriend gave me shitty, girl directions from my passengers seat, I arrived at this kids house to make my uncomfortable purchase.

This is when I learned that he's selling his OG Xbox so he can buy the chalked-full-of-Ch33v0 Xbox 360, pending his parents permission and how well he does in his algebra class.

Being a little weirded out by the situation, I just shoved money into his hands and grabbed the Xbox, not realizing that he could play his original Xbox games on his new 360. Also, I wanted to donate some of my 360 games to his collection, should the little bastard pass math.

So here is the relevance of this post on, we all have games that we own for the 360 that we don't play, I'm looking at you Armored Core 4, so why not give this kid a ch33v0 boost? This kid has to live in a house where his mom gives sewing lessons to other kids! How do I know this? Because it was plastered across his mother's mini van and that shit just ain't right.

I'm ponying up two of my games so Bryce can join the ch33v0lution, who's with me?

Also, I haven't gotten a sweet, sweet ch33v0 in almost a month.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Ch33v0z For Rent!

Update for all of you following The Cheevolution. My birthday recently passed (it will be a national holiday after I'm gone... I'm thinking "Cheevo Day"...) and among the gifts from friends and family was a subscription to Gamefly. That's right, the game rental service that mails games directly to your home. I'll be getting my cheevos delivered from here on out, and you know what that means? I'll be renting some of the cheeviest games around. Here are a few that I currently have on my "GameQ", just waiting to be harvested.

Viking: Battle For Asgard- I've heard good things about this one... no, not concerning the gameplay, but the easiness of the sweet cheevz. I hear they flow like the wine of the gods, providing life and points to all that partake in their holy goodness.

Jumper- This game got HORRIBLE reviews, and I've heard that it's murder to play. Luckily, the cheevos are sweet, and most can be unlocked with 4-5 hours of play. Jumper, not a good movie... and so the game shall share the same fate.

King Kong- Who doesn't love monkeys? I don't. Seriously, I hate them. I hate monkeys, gorillas, any primate(including humans). They are disgusting, and I want to kill them all. King Kong should have a happy ape killing ending, and you can get all 1000 points just by finishing this game. No special feats required. teh w00t.

NBA 2K6- Following the same line of most 2K6 sports titles, this one has 5 easy cheevos. Sweet, and sexy. Worst part of this? It's a basketball game. Teh ghey. This harvest involves setting the difficulty to easy, and making the halves long. Should get 1000 in one game.

College Hoops 2K6- Same as before. Wash, rinse, repeat so to speak. 1000 in my pocket.

That's not all of them, but that's a few of the quick and dirty. Stay tuned for progress, tips and shout outs to all my ninjas. It's going to get dirty up in here, and I'm going to get ch33v0 all over the sheets.

Friday, May 16, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Grand Tetris Auto Evolution Edition

I've done it. I've finally finished GTA4! There are still many ch33v0z that have yet to be harvested, but I was able to take the GTA disc out of my Xbox and play a few others. Hell, I even got a few cheevz that aren't GTA related! Say hello to Tetris! Yes, that old school game is still fun as hell, and the ch33v0z are ripe and ready for the picking!

Grand Theft Auto IV

You Won!-You have completed the story-60G

That Special Someone-You completed the mission "That Special Someone"-10G

Rolled Over-You managed 5 car rolls in a row from one crash-30G

King of QUB3D-You beat the high score in QUB3D-15G

Assassin's Greed-You completed all 9 assassin missions-20G

Liberty City (5)-Your friends all like you above 90%-20G

Half Million-You have amassed a fortune of $500,000-55G

Chain Reaction-You exploded 10 vehicles in 10 seconds-20G

Sightseer-You have taken all variations of the helicopter tours of Liberty City-5G

Under The Radar-You flew under all the main bridges in the game-40G

Gracefully Taken-You completed the mission "I'll Take Her"-10G

That's How We Roll!-You unlocked the special ability of Brucie's helicopter ride-10G

Order Fulfilled-You completed all 10 Exotic Export orders-10G

Dial B For Bomb-You unlocked the special ability of Packie's car bomb placement-10G

I had a pretty good harvest this week from GTA4, raking in around 315 gamerscore. This game doesn't hand out the ch33vz very readily, but when you do get them, they are so much sweeter. Some of the cheevz come from normal gameplay (story and side missions), but only a few will automatically unlock.

Dial B For Bomb, That's How We Roll!, and Liberty City (5) will be unlocked by spending time with your friends, and getting their friendship percentage up over 90%.

Sightseer can be unlocked by taking all 6 helicopter tours. They cost $150, and you can skip them by pressing the "A" button(although, the pilot is hilarious). The helitours can be found on the water line in South Algonquin.

Under The Radar is a relatively easy ch33v0. You can get it in about 10-15 minutes, but if you screw up, you could be swimming for 5 of those minutes. Just take your time, adjust your view, and slowly glide under each bridge. Here is a map of all the bridge locations. Another tip, once you pass under a bridge you'll receive a notification, hit start to look at the map and you'll see all other needed locations. Also, the game doesn't save the locations unless you do a game save, so do them all at once, or save before you quit.

Chain Reaction is easier than you might imagine. You'll need two things, grenades and a bus. Make sure you have at least 5 or 6 grenades, and then go to Star Junction (Times Square) in Algonquin and steal a bus(there seems to be a lot of them parked there). Drive to the Algonquin Expressway and park your bus sideways in a narrow spot on the bridge. Make sure that it's a tight fit, so that no cars can drive around you. Wait until 10 cars pile up, start at the bus, and run down the line of cars... dropping grenades (don't stop running!). That should unlock your cheevo pretty quickly!

King Of Qub3d is attained by playing one of the arcade games found around the city. They are pretty popular, but I can only think of 2 or 3. One is located in the strip club in Bohan, the other in the Modo clothing store in North Algonquin. Just play for 10 minutes or so, and beat the high score of 10,000 points. It's really easy, it just takes a few minutes.

Finally, Rolled Over is one of the more entertaining ch330z to attempt. It's not OVERLY difficult, but it can take a few tries (4 for me). Get yourself a police car or taxi car (they are fast and relatively durable) and head to Francis International Airport. Gain speed on the runway, and veer towards the grassy section in between the runway and the tarmac. There are some yellow warning signs that are shaped like triangles(how convenient). Aim for those at high speed, hitting the "A" button and turning left or right just as you hit the jump. This should only take a few tries, and if you wreck your car there are plenty of police cruisers chasing you around, any of them would work. Here is a video to help you on your way.

Tetris Evolution

Old Skool Back to Back-Scored 2 Tetrises in 2 drops playing Marathon-50G

Ludicrous speed-Cleared a line on Level 15-30G

T-Spin Deluxe-Pulled off a T-Spin 2-Line Clear playing Marathon-30G

Rollin On Spinnas-Pulled off the infamous T-Spin playing Marathon-15G

Back to Back and Back Again-Did three Tetrises or T-Spins (Single or Double) in a row (Back to Back to Back) playing Marathon-25G

It's fucking Tetris. If you don't know how to play Tetris, then I don't know what to tell you. I will give you one tip for something that would only be known to Tetris nerds. This is a video of how to complete a T-spin. Figuring this basic(retarded) move out will get you a Back to Back and Back Again, T-spin Deluxe, and Rollin On Spinnas.

That is it for this week cheevoholics! I'm currently gearing up for another go at Condemned 2, more Tetris Evolution, Rainbow Six: Vegas (1) and working on some of those sweet ass cheevz that GTA4 is still denying me.