Thursday, June 26, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Arcade Extravaganza!

Ch33v0z come, and cheev0z go. I played a bunch of arcade games, and unlocked a smattering of various cheevos. I dusted of some oldies and played a couple of new(ies?) games. Anyway, get your panties off because we are talking cheevz.

Wolf Of The Battlefield: Commando 3 *100% Completed Ch33v0z*

Humanitarian-You rescued all of the POWs in the game-10G

Sleuth-You found all of the Secret Areas in the game-20G

Mercenary-You completed the game on Suicide Mission difficulty-15G

Madman-You attained a 24X score multiplier on every level-30G

Armored Attack-You got in the tank with two other players-6G

Combined Assault-You completed the game with at least one other player-40G

Veteran-You completed the game on Black Ops difficulty-7G

I really like this game. I like this game a lot. I'm a fanboy for it, and that's the bottom line. I was able to push my enthusiasm onto one of my good friends, Ivan (A.K.A CyanideChrist33) and we put in some work on the co-op aspect of this game. Good things happened people, good things... We loaded up a game with another player and got our co-op on. I will say that at this point, both of us were, how should I put this.... suck ass players. Luckily for us, we happened to team up with a bad ass shoot-em-up gamer and he carried our asses through the entire game(I'm not joking, we died at the second level and he beat the next 3 levels on his own), unlocking some sweet ass cheev0z! Yes, you might say that this was a cheep way to get the Veteran cheevo and the Combined Assault cheevo, but you don't have either one... do you?

I did get some redemption when I beat the game on Suicide mission difficulty and earned the Mercenary cheevo all by myself... that's right, one man against the world(game world). Completing the game on these higher levels is hard to give advice for, but the one thing that will get you through this game is this: Being a Bass Ass MoFo. Damn straight.

Madman requires you to get a 24X multiplier on each level in ONE playthrough. A 24X multiplier is only gained by killing many enemies without being hit. This isn't as hard as it sounds. Lower the difficulty to "Cake walk", during each level find an enemy spawn point (little barracks that they pour out of). Don't destroy the spawn, but instead fire upon the enemies emerging until you hit you 24x multiplier. Do this at the first spawn in each level.

Armored Attack will require 2 players... that's right, you'll need friends or you'll have to luck out and team up with some folks over live. It's much easier to get this cheevo if you have already beaten this game, because you can choose the level you want to start at, and since the tank is located in the very last level, that's where you need to start. Once you see the tank, just make everyone hop in... boom 6 stupid points.

Sleuth and Humanitarian should be done in the same playthrough. If you've already completed the other cheevz, just play again on cake walk difficulty. You can use this guide(Thanks Beldryn), it's simple and worth 30 points.

You know what? I love this game so much, I'm willing to extend an open invitation to anyone for help with these cheevz. You are welcome.


UNO Shark-Win ten 4-player games of UNO®, in any mode, on Xbox Live-30G

I haven't unlocked an UNO cheev in over a year. I hopped onto some UNO with Cyanide, just to BS... and what do you know? I unlocked this one! In between drunk ramblings and weapon weilding foreigners performing dance moves on the vision cam(no penis shots this time!). This also means I only have UNO(one) cheevo left to get 100% completion!

Bomberman LIVE

You die so good!-Score 25 Frags in an Xbox Live Zombie Match-15G

Again, Cyanide and I decided to get some Bombing on... and a little boosting. Yes, I tried to get this legit, but we finally broke down and just boosted. Don't judge me. You have 3 minutes and a copy of Bomberman? Teh ch33v0 unlocked. Set up the zombie match, frag and repeat.


The Stronghold - Casual-Completed Act 2 "The Stronghold" on Casual difficulty-10G

The Stronghold - Skilled-Completed Act 2 "The Stronghold" on Skilled difficulty-15G

The Stronghold - Elite-Completed Act 2 "The Stronghold" on Elite difficulty-20G

Pickpocket-Nabbed 10 weapons out of enemy hands using Time Powers-10G

All Fall Down-Killed 3 enemies at one time during Time Stop-10G

Slowly but surely I'm working my way through this game. It's all pretty standard stuff, except where noted.

All Fall Down is actually a little tricky. That time suit that you are wearing will let you stop time, but only for a small amount of time. Luckily the game provides you with many instances where there are 3 enemies in a small cluster. My recommendation is to get as close as possible to them before being noticed, pause time, and use the shotgun... a lot.

Pickpocket seemed more lengthy than difficult. Pause time, and get close to an armed enemy then hold down the X button. Do this 10 times and you are good to go.
There it is people, your review for the week! Seems like the arcade is the place to be. Quick update: Gamefly shipped Burnout Paradise yesterday, so be on the lookout for some of those ch33vz next week. That's it... now leave. I'm serious... get the hell out of here!

Friday, June 20, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Commando Timeshift Farewell To Bully Edition

The week has been fast(and furious). I've accomplished a couple of goals that I had my sites on, and I'm ready for more teh ch33v0z! I finished all I want to do for Bully, and It's sitting in the mailbox as I type this. So that means, a new game will be on it's way shortly! I also purchased a new arcade game, that will satisfy my hardcore needs. Now down to the business at hand, this week in ch33v0z!

Wolf Of The Battlefield: Commando 3

Reckless Driver-You killed 40 enemies while in a vehicle-20G

Freedom-You freed 25 POWs-25G

Hero-You achieved the 24X score multiplier-10G

Brasso-You achieved the 12X score multiplier-10G

One Man Army-You killed 200 enemies-7G

Teh w00t! New game in da house! That's right folks, I bought WOTB: Commando 3! If you like old school arcade shooters, or if you have fond memories of the Commando or Merc games, then you'll want to pick this one up. It's got 3 player co-op over live, cool graphics and weapons. Warning: This game is hardcore, and is not for the casual player(bitch-pussy).

The cheevz have been relatively sweet, expect for the fact that the game is excruciatingly difficult. I also have been unable to grab the co-op ch33v0z because all my friends are punk bitches.

Reckless Driver, Freedom, and One Man Army will unlock on your first play through and won't take long. I will note that One Man Army is worth 7 points... which is FUCKING annoying, but I digress... for that is a topic for a post all it's own.

Hero and Brasso can be obtained in the first level also. You must kill enemies without taking damage to increase your multiplier. If you make it to the part of the level with the drivable vehicle, you can get both easily. While in the vehicle, you are invulnerable to personal damage, so just keep driving in circles and running everyone down. BOOYAH! teh ch33v0 unlocked.

Bully Scholarship Edition

DUAL NEBULA-Achieve A High Score on Consumo, Nut Shots, and Monkey Fling Arcade Games-20G

SHARP DRESSED MAN-Collect 250 clothing items-25G

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED-Complete All Missions-75G

Well kids, our journey will Bully: SE has finally ended. It was a good time, and the cheevos were oh so sweet, but this bitch is tapped. I finally got my MISSION ACCOMPLISHED cheevo and I will picked up a couple of others... leaving only ONE cheevo in between me and a gamerscore of 1000! Unfortunately I don't have the time or the patience to 100% the game(at this point in my life), so I bid you a fond farewell PERFECTIONIST cheevo, but we will meet again... oh yes we will.
DUAL NEBULA requires you to get THE top score on each arcade game listed. The wording of the cheev is misleading because it asks you to get A high score, not THE high score. Anyway, all three can be found in the prize tent at the carnival. This one requires more patience and time than skill. Good luck.

SHARP DRESSED MAN is an exercise in boredom. You'll need lots of cash, and time. Just go to each store and buy EVERYTHING. Wait until the end of the game, when you have the most money. The interface for purchasing clothing is slow and bulky, and I hate it.


Alpha District - Casual-Completed Act 1 "Alpha District" on Casual difficulty-10G

Alpha District - Skilled-Completed Act 1 "Alpha District" on Skilled difficulty-15G

Alpha District - Elite-Completed Act 1 "Alpha District" on Elite difficulty-20G

Get It Off Me!-Yanked off a stuck Clutch Grenade using Time Powers-5G

Disarmed!-Shot 5 weapons out of enemy hands-15G

TimeShift, not a bad game! It feels and looks like Half Life 2, but with time control abilities. The game play is reminiscent of Killzone, so take from that what you will. All in all, it's pretty good and the Elite difficulty is much harder than I imagined.

The Alpha District Cheevos are stackable, meaning that if you complete the highest difficulty level, you'll unlock the other two!

Disarmed! actually happened by accident, as it probably does for most people. If you are actually going to try for it, all you have to do is aim for center mass(or the weapon if you can see it) and it will go flying out of the enemies hands.

Get It Off Me! is easy as pie, and that's probably why it's only worth 5 points. Wait for an enemy to toss a clutch grenade (sticky grenade) on to you, and hit the reverse time button. It's pretty automatic, so once you hit it the cheev unlocks.

That's it people. We say goodbye to a great game, that gave me a fantastic amount of cheevz... and we say hello to a new arcade game and a brand new harvest. Seasons turn, circle of life, changes... it's beautiful in it's way. I'm tearing up now, so I'm going to let you go... cheev on.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Ch33v0z In A Minute!

Time for a throw back ch33v0 session. These games are a little older, but the cheevos are still good. Hell, you might even argue that they are now ripe. It's time to get to that local video store, search the bargain bins, or hit up a friend(me) and see if you can dust off some of these gems. Strap on your knickers and bust out the party hats(I have no idea), because it's time to get your ch33v0 on!


Transform and Roll Out-You've transformed for the first time-10G Your first time... ahh, I remember it like it was yesterday. Actually, I don't remember much... I think I was drunk. Anyway, back to games... Yeah, this one is easy(kind of like that girl from my first time). If you can actually stomach playing through the game, there is a bounty of sweet ch33v0z to harvest. If you want a quick 10 points, all you have to do is load up the game and press the Y button. That's right, one button and you transform and snap up 10 points. w00t!

Assassin's Creed

Welcome to the Animus-You've successfully completed the Animus tutorial.-20G Contrary to what some people might say, this is a really fun game(plus the word ASS is in the title... twice!). It's worth a play through for the fun it provides, and it hands out the ch33v0z pretty quickly. This one is gained by completing the tutorial in the first part of the game, it doesn't take too long and for 20 points it's well worth it.

Project Gotham Racing 3

Arcade Player-Arcade Player-15G Why bother with a description of the cheevo, just give it a name. Not only did they half ass the descriptions, but each tile is exactly the same. Yeah, so this one isn't as hard as it sounds... or doesn't sound. Wait... what? Anyway, in the game you'll have a garage, which you can "walk around". Choose to walk around your garage, and you'll notice 2 arcade machines, Geometry Wars Evolved and Geometry Wars. All you have to do is play them both, you don't even have to finish the game, you can quit(quitters!). After both have been played, the sweet ch33v0 unlocks. Oh, and the rest of the game... you know, racing and what not, is pretty damn good.

45 points the old fashioned way! With that, I go back to my harvest. Those cheevos won't unlock themselves.

Friday, June 13, 2008

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Bully My Timeshift Edition

This week has been a fast one. I nearly forgot that I had a review to write up. So, with that in mind... here is your week in teh ch33v0z! This week doesn't offer too much, due to the fact that Bully is pissing me off. It's pissing me off so much, that I didn't get to give my full attention to my new Gamefly offering, Timeshift!

Bully: Scholarship Edition

MOMMA'S BOY-Complete 30 Errand Missions-25G

TOUR DE BULLWORTH-Travel 100 km on the bike-25G

MARATHON-Travel 100,000 meters on foot-25G THE

CHAMPION-Complete All Bike Races-20G

GRADUATE-Complete Chapter 5-40G

SMELL YA LATER-Hit people with stink bombs 50 times-25G

POLE POSITION-Complete All Go Kart Races-20G

SENIOR-Complete Chapter 4-20G

GREEN THUMB-Complete All Lawn Mowing Jobs-20G

Ok, so here are the last few ch33v0z you fine people are going to see from Bully: SE. I'm officially finished with the story, and while I haven't completely tapped the cheevo well, there are some rather stubborn ones presenting themselves and one in particular that is giving me trouble. That's the MISSION ACCOMPLISHED cheevo. That particular one requires you finish all the missions, there are 76 in the story. I have completed 75, and I can't seem to find the last one. I'm not beaten yet, but I'm not going to put much more time into this game... on to the cheevoz.

Most of these are self explanatory. MARATHON and TOUR DE BULLWORTH are both irritating and time consuming, but by the end of the game you should be pretty close to each of these goals. Just make sure to snag a bike or run anywhere you need to go(if time permits).

THE CHAMPION and POLE POSITION are kind of irritating as well. To find a race, open your map and look for the yellow/gold trophy icon. The problem is that both go kart races and bike races are marked in the same way. Once you finish the last race in each level, the trophy stays on the map... so make sure you pay attention or you might do the same race twice.

SMELL YA LATER is actually pretty easy, just head to your dorm room and pick up some stink bombs. If you bomb a group of people, each person counts as one , so stay away from single pedestrians!

GREEN THUMB is easy as pie, just head up to the park and do all 3 jobs one after another. Booyah! Teh Ch33v0 unlocked!


Look What I Can Do-Walked on water using Time Powers-5G

Ok, so this is probably my weakest ch33v0 offering ever, but I only played this game last night. Of course, I'm a real man... and I'm stubborn and think I'm better than I actually am, so I'm playing this on the hardest difficulty for the stackable cheevs. That means I died... a lot, and I'm not even done with the first level.

Look What I Can Do is pretty simple, since you have to do it in order to progress in the level. There is a section about 10-15 minutes in where you'll have to cross some electrified water. Just freeze time and run to the other side... boom, 5 points.

Come back next week for more Timeshift, and possibly a new game! The harvest is bountiful... take part my friends!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Ch33v0z: My Addiction, My Shame

We've all done things we aren't proud of for the sweetest cheevz. We've hunted the easy games, we've used exploits, and hell... we've even cheated. There comes a time, when you have to cross a line... when your addiction pushes you over the edge and you do something that goes against the grain. I feel that I crossed that line when I took on the Over The Rainbow Cheev0 from Bully: Scholarship Edition.

Let me preface this by saying, I don't have a problem with gays... I don't care at all. In fact, I can really appreciate when a gay couple tongue kisses(lesbians... hot lesbians, tongue kissing and feeling each other up and then asking me to join in). I'm just not gay... that's all. So when I was presented with a tender ch33v0 that was worth 20 points, and required you to be gay, I hesitated... for about 3 seconds.
Right after the first gay kiss, I knew I had reached a new low. I turned gay for teh ch33v0z. "20 points... can I get just one ch33v? I'll suck yo d*ck!". That's right, I was Pookie from New Jack City. My name is ZEBRA NINER, and I'm addicted to ch33v0z.
Now that it's all said and done, I have to give it to Rockstar... very nice, very controversial, and very gay. The voice acting for the kiss scenes between guys is hilarious. The gay kid says some rather interesting stuff, and the kissing sound effects are disgusting. All in all, one of the more memorable cheevoz. I find it refreshing to have such a progressive idea for a game. I mean, if I can have sex with a hooker and then stab her to death in an alley way, why can't I be a gay kid? Where will games go, and what cheevz will be unlocked?
Note: after receiving the ch33v0, I did kick that gay guy's ass to show how much of a real man I was... then I teabagged him which made it all gay again.