Ch33v0z, My Addiction... My Shame

My name is ZEBRA NINER and I'm addicted to ch33v0z. That's right, I can say it... finally. I've done a lot of things in my life, I've done a lot of bad things for sweet ch33v0z. I can't help it, I'm an addict and it's a disease. I've played some pretty bad games for the sake of sweet cheevos, and as I look back on my gaming life I can see all the black marks of shame. Today, as I take an inventory of all the crimes I've committed against myself, I will share them with you (It's a step in a program I'm in.)

Sneak King-Winner!- Beat 1 Challenge. 5G
This one kind of got me started, they say the first one is free. It was kind of a goof, but I found myself playing this to see if I could get a couple of points. No turning back from this.

Spider-Man 3-Splat Master 2007- Splatted into the ground 25 times. 20G
The game wasn't that bad, but I actually put time into this ch33v0. Climbing up a building and launching myself off. Over, and over, and over again. Was it fun? No... but I had to do it.


Transformers-Transform and Roll Out-You've transformed for the first time 10G. This game was rough, it was rough all over. I'm not proud of any of the cheevos gained from this game, but this one only required you to push a button. Sad really.


Rayman Raving Rabbids-RAYMAN IN CAMERA-You have played the game with Xbox Live Vision! 50G. This was super lame. That game wasn't much fun, and this ch33v0 was so cheap. The 50 points is hard to turn down though... when it's looking all good, and it's been SO long... be gentle. Don't go buy the camera just for this ch33v0! (Buy the camera for Rainbow Six too)


Pimp My Ride-Pimp In The Making-Successfully pimped your first customer-10G. I'm ashamed that I even touched this game... it's AWFUL. This is possibly the worst game ever. Well, this and Space Giraffe.



Pimp My Ride-Ghost Ride the Town-Performed perfectly in a Ghost Riding Event-10G. The shame continues. I will say that what you have to do to gain this cheev0 is a sight to behold. It's something you must watch, but do it from afar. Kind of like a donkey show... you should see it once in your life, but for God's sake don't star in a donkey show.

The last two on my list of shame aren't all that bad as far as games go, but I have to add them because I played them without having any fun. I played them for points... bottom line. It's like killing a baby because you'll get a million dollars. Yes, it's wrong... but it's a million dollars.

Avatar: TLA: TBE- 1000G.
This is the easiest 1000 points you'll ever get. It can be done in 2 minutes, and is a very cheap way to boost your gamerscore. Let the ch33v0z rain. Check the video for an example.


Surf's Up- 1000G.
This game, while not a bad game, was not fun for me. It's more of a kids game, but the ch33v0z are so sweet. It's simple, kind of boring, and tedious. Ch33v0 farming at it's best.

Ahhh, I feel so much better getting that all off my chest. I think I've really turned a corner here... I think that I'll have this addiction under control from here on out! In fact, to celebrate... I'm going to treat myself to a couple of ch33vz! I mean... what could it hurt?

Ch33v0z in a minute!

Good morning campers. Now that I've sobered up I can fulfill your desire for useless knowledge and senseless cursing with a few ch33v0s that are so easy to get, that I may even get them. You know...before the Coors and Tylenol PM kicks in (NOTE: Ch33v0 Unlocked, ghett0yeti, and blogger.com highly discourage the mixing of alcohol and sleeping medication. At least for those under the age of 12)

So without further ado may I present Ch33voz in a minute - download edition:

CONTRA - ARMORY

Collect 4 different weapons power-ups. This should be done within the first 5 minutes of the game. What with all of the UFOs carrying tiny power-ups in the guise of shiny medals. If you can't do this, then...well, you suck at life and you're probably a terrorist. This game is a classic and everyone should know exactly when the power-ups are coming. If you can't aim in one of the 4 directions that Contra allows and shoot a tiny flying urn, ask your dad to do it for you. He'll probably hand you your ASS in Contra. Yes, your dad knows how to play video games. What do you think he did before he ruined his life by having children? He pumped enough quarters into Donkey Kong to turn that monkey into a fucking anchor. He also boned your mom. Think about that.

STREET FIGHTER II: HYPER FIGHTING - HYPER WORLD CHAMPION
Complete single-player arcade mode without losing a match. I know what you're thinking "But every time I try to do that, Ryu rocks my face off with a shit storm of Hadokens. And Bison's never ending siege of Psycho Crushers is sure to end me". Well my child, fret not. Lay your head upon my bosom and I'll share with you the knowledge of the ages. Alright, it doesn't say you have to play on hard. Play on easy. I know it's kind of a drag beating the game so cheaply, but we're looking for easy cheevos here. So take them. Also, if you're having trouble with the aforementioned fuckload of fireballs then do what I do, play as Ken or Ryu and throw them faster. If you're playing on easy and your motor skills rank anywhere higher than "houseplant" it should be no problem.

HEXIC HD - HEXIC ADDICT
100 games. I know...boring. Here's another game you can have your parents play for you. Old people love puzzles and pretty colors. Seriously. I guarantee that if you go through your parents internet history you'll find all kinds of puzzle games. Bejeweled, sudoku, Love Zoo. Trust me, for the sake of your sanity, we'll pretend that Love Zoo is a puzzle game and your dad was playing it at 3 am because it's just so addictive he couldn't sleep. HE WAS PLAYING A GAME!

Alright kids. There's a few for you. There's 60 easy points to add to your arsenal. Sure you could play COD4 for a month straight, break 2 controllers, a window, and your index finger for 20 points. Or, you could use these sweet, easy cheevoz and laugh in Zebra Niner's face. Although, he's probably better than you...at everything.

Call of Duty 4, Where Is My Money?!

I've played a lot of games, and I've come across a lot of impossible ch33v0z... Army of Two's Billion Dollar ch33v0, Gears of War's 10,000 kills ch33v0, or Guitar Hero 3's Inhuman cheev0.

One sweet ch33v0 that I had on this list was Call of Duty 4's Mile High Club ch33v... I took the time to get through the entire game on Veteran, which had some pretty difficult levels that spit in my face at every turn. When I finally defeated the campaign, and scored most of the points I could get... one ch33v0 was out of my grasp, and it broke my will. I actually had a few other ch33vz left in that game, easy ones, but without that one special cheevo I couldn't go on. I said, "what's the point? I'll never have that last, stupid, ch33v."

I gave up, I was a broken man... I considered giving up completely, throwing it all away... I even bought a gun. That's right, I was going to end it all. I went to a couple of cheevoholics meetings, got a sponsor, heard some stories and decided to get my life back on track. I was doing well, until this weekend... When Call of Duty showed up on my doorstep, all the old feelings came back... and I jumped into the game, last level on veteran. I know, I know... but I had to get some closure and I knew that I could do it.

After a few tries, and some helpful tips I was elated when I made it to the end of the level and propelled myself from the door of that plane... CH33V0 UNLOCKED. Booyah. That's right folks, I made COD my bitch. So, with a renewed confidence I went out and conquered the rest of the ch33v0z in the game and locked up 1000 gamerscore. It was good times, here are some quick tips on how to do it:

• Watch a video on Youtube, THIS ONE is what I used
• Make it to the second floor with 20 seconds left
• Your teammates are invincible, let them do some of the work
  
• You don't have to kill all of the enemies
• The enemies die with one or two shots, no need to hose them down
• Use your pistol until the very end, then swap out the SMG
• Flash bangs are your friend
• Run

That's pretty much it, you are going to have to do it a few times. You can rely on your teammates for a lot, just make sure to run far enough ahead and grab some cover.

The final ch33vz that needed unlocking for me were the "Intel" ch33v0z and the "Your show sucks" ch33v. You can find a complete guide for the Intel pieces HERE (15 pages total, very detailed) and one for the TV's HERE (This is the vid I used, but all the tv's are in the CHARLIE DON'T SURF level, the first one shown on blackout is not needed... but this was the best vid available.)

Go forth and conquer my children, make COD4 your little bitch. Relish those sweet ass ch33v0z!

This Week In Ch33v0z, Turok The Ch33v0 Hunter

I had a goal last week... Yeah, and I forgot all about that goal. I also forgot that the Call of Duty 4 maps were releasing last week too. That really bit into my Ch33v0 time. I wasn't able to get to the games that I had planned to harvest for the sweet ch33vz... but I didn't walk away empty handed.

That's right, I got some sweet ass ch33v0z, and I'm pretty happy with them. The game was Turok, the reason I stopped playing this game was because of a ridiculously difficult boss battle. When I finally went back to the game (about two months later) the boss died surprisingly easily. Meh... whatever, so ch33v0z unlocked and all that jazz.

Loud Love To conserve ammo, you killed 3 soldiers with one Rocket Launcher shot in the Story Mode campaign-15G




Turok Defense Force Not willing to give up, you fought off 20 Raptor mauls during the Story Mode campaign-25G




Angler Ribbon You beat the creature from the deep…-20g

Now, the Angler Ribbon was awarded for beating the second boss in the game. The boss ch33v0z are always some of my favorite. Not only are you defeating one of the tougher enemies in the game, you get a little reward for doing so.

The other two ch33vz are pretty standard. The Turok Defense Force ch33vo is inevitable through normal gameplay. The Loud Love ch33v0 was a surprise for me, but it's not that hard to get. Try shooting a chopper with an RPG before the soldiers deploy.

So while I didn't get any of my targeted ch33v0z, I harvested some lost ch33vz. Hopefully for this week, I'll be picking up some more Turok ch33v0z and possible some of my target ch33v0z. I'm also looking at a couple of new games, so we'll see if I can manage to get to the store in time.

On The Hunt For Ch33v0z

Looking through my vast library of Xbox 360 games I've come to a realization... I didn't play most of them, I am thereby denying myself some sweet ass ch33v0z. This has led me to dig out some of my older games, and try to farm the sweet ch33vz.

Unfortunately I have a VERY LONG list of games that I haven't given proper time too. I've neglected them, they should be taken away by some government service and given to a family that will nurture them, and cherish their sweet, sweet, ch33v0z. Since this government entity doesn't exist, I get another chance to harvest the ch33vz. Here is a short list, of what will become a very LONG list, over many posts:


Oblivion- Arguably one of the best 360 games available. What I would call a FPS/RPG. I only played it until the first 50 point ch33v0, and put it away for months. It's a shame really, but the slow story line and lack of freedom(I want to kill who I want, when I want... without getting hassled at every turn) has kept me from returning to this game.

Condemned- Yeah, I know... but it's so scary! This game is fun, but for some reason it's just not hooking me. I will get it finished! I will! I'll finish it because I'm not going to buy Condemned 2 until I do. :(



Dead Rising- Another popular game. Why wouldn't I be addicted to killing zombies? Well, one reason has kept me from returning to this game, the save system. It SUCKS! I'm sorry, but it's awful. Checkpoints, save anywhere... these are the things a gamer needs!


Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter- This game is cool looking, and it's a shooter! Why haven't I played the hell out of it? Well, it's a very complicated game. It's got some great features, weapons, and squad tactics. It's not a pick up and play game, time must be invested.


Splinter Cell Double Agent- This is a fun game, but I'm just not a stealthy, sneaky guy. I want to run in there, kill everyone, and dance on a pile of bodies. So, it's not the games fault, it's just the way I play.



These are some of my most forgotten and neglected games. Their ch33v0z are begging to be freed! I must save the ch33v0z!

So there you have it, just a small list of some of the games that are on my long list of unharvested ch33v0 mines. Stay tuned for updates on progress with these games, and a continuation of my other many neglected games.

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Rainbow Six Edition

For all of my loyal fans who are too busy to monitor all of my sweet ch33vage during the week, here is your weekly recap!

Well, after further review, it seems that I've only unlocked ch33vz in one game, that game is Rainbow Six: Vegas 2. Most of the week was a virtual ch33v0 drought. I unlocked one 20 point ch33v0 on the 28th of March and the rest of the week there wasn't a ch33v in site. That was until late last night, when hurricane Ch33v0 rolled into town. It was a flash flood of the sweetest ch33vz, and I was swimming in them. Ok, had enough weather related metaphors?

I decided to finish up Rainbow Six Vegas 2 on realistic difficulty, and capture all the sweet ch33v0z that come along with that. Little did I know, I was on the cusp of many other ch33v0z, which gave my gamerscore a bump of 210 points! w00t!



Here's for a Wicked Five! Complete 10 scenes as Bishop's teammate, Knight, in co-op Story mode at any difficulty. -20G




Completed Nevada Desert Complete Nevada Desert in Story Mode at any difficulty.-25





Completed Estate Complete Estate in Story Mode at any difficulty.- 25






Freedom Shall Prevail Complete the Story Mode on Realistic difficulty.-75




Pointman Kill 50 enemies in multiplayer adversarial with at least 6 players present.-10




I Like the Sound it Makes Kill 150 terrorists with a Shotgun.-25





Weapon Collector Unlock every weapon in the game.- 30




The Freedom Shall Prevail ch33v0 was a rough one to get because of a crappy save system and some crap single player stuff (That's all for another post). The FSP ch33v0 did give me 75 points, large return ch33vz always make me feel good. The shotgun and weapon collector ch33v0z were both surprises. Unexpected ch33v0z can be some of the most rewarding.

Even with a ch33v0 shortage for most of the week, the bounty of ch33v0z was plentiful and oh so sweet. Stay tuned for next week's ch33v0z in review. I've got my sights set on some Beautiful Katamari, Mass Effect, Rainbow Six Vegas 2, and maybe some other new game. Yes, the goals are lofty, but no one ever said that I couldn't fail.

Worthless Ch33vs

Good morning fellow dorks and ch33v0 whores. Let me introduce myself. My name is ghett0yeti. I am fucking ANGRY. For no particular reason, it just feels good. This will be my first of (hopefully) many posts regarding the ch33vs. And what better way to say "hi" than to begin at the opposite end of the ch33v0 spectrum that ZEBRA NINER started at and show the ch33v0z that make you look at your TV and say "Really?". Don't get me wrong, hearing that "bleep" and racking up those points are what we live for. But sometimes it seems like they're just giving them away. Not for doing anything spectacular, but mainly just for turning on your 360 and not burning the house down in the process. So, without further ado, here are some of the most worthless ch33v0z I've accrued.


STRING SHREDDER
Yes, that's right kids, I beat Rock Band on easy. That is the real-world equivalent of washing the dishes and not cutting your hand off with a fork. For those of you who haven't played Rock Band or Guitar Hero (all 8 of you...in the entire world) that means I pressed a single button about 6 times during the entirety of the Bon Jovi song "Wanted Dead or Alive". I exert more energy putting my socks on.


FLEDGLING SUPERHERO
I killed 10 people on Marvel Ultimate Alliance. 10 fucking people. That means I played this game for at LEAST 36 seconds. This game is a beat-em-up. It's Gauntlet with X-MEN characters instead of warriors and elves. To make it more than 3 minutes in this game without defeating 10 enemies would be utterly impossible.


UNO!
HOLY SHIT! What wonders never cease. I called Uno...while playing Uno. Someone ch33v that man. It's a rare occasion when someone is left with one card in a game who's entire design is built around a person being left with one card.


LAB RAT
This one pains me terribly. Portal has become my new favorite obsession. But, that doesn't make it immune to my harsh, alcohol fueled criticism. This one is for acquiring "the fully powered Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device." I was awarded 5G for doing something that MUST BE DONE in order to advance any further in the game. Go ahead, I challenge you to defeat that game without a portal device. It cannot be done. It would be on about the same level of possibility as getting through 1 stage of Super Mario Bros. without jumping.

So, thanks to all of the developers for hooking me up with some points. Because honestly, if it weren't for some of these ch33v0s, I'd still have 30 Gs that were acquired by Dirk using my tag when he's over here drinking my beer.

Ch33v0z, How I Love You... Let Me Count The Ways

Oh ch33v0z! I love you so! You are my sunshine, when skies are gray. You'll never know, ch33v0z, how much I love you! Please don't take my sw33t ch33v0z away!

Yes people, I am in love with the ch33v0z! I want to marry them! I want to lay them down by the fire, pour a nice glass of wine, and make sweet love to them. The sound they make when they unlock is just so great, it fills me with such joy! I just can't get enough of the sweet ch33v0z.

With all this love directed towards the ch33v0z, it made me wonder... What drives me to unlock ch33v0z, and why is it so addictive? Here are a few things that come to mind when I think about this question:

Gamerscore- POINTS! POINTS! POINTS! An online measure of your skill, love for games, and size of your e-wang against EVERYONE ELSE. That's right, you are in a competition with everyone! If you aren't playing the same games, you still can beat their gamerscore. Competition is like crack for gamers, and that adds to the fun. It's a game within a game!

Completionist- You beat a game, you finished it to the end, but you need to make that game your bitch. Getting 100% completion of all ch33v0z in a game gives you satisfaction in knowing you really squeezed every last drop of gameplay available. This gives all of us OCD players our there something to think about... all day long. :(

Ch33v0 tiles- Those little, lovely pictures next to every ch33v0. They are freakin' awesome! I get enjoyment out of seeing all those colorful little pictures, some depicting cute little graphics... other horrible acts of violence. They're great!

Game enjoyment- Probably the most important thing about ch33vz. They increase the amount of enjoyment I have while playing a game. It gives me incentive to play a game on the hardest difficulty, or try to do things that I never would have attempted before. Sometimes that aspect is hit or miss, but it's out there for you to shoot for. Not to mention, it can make an awful game into one that I would spend hours on (Fuzion Frenzy 2).

Oh ch33v0z, you always make me feel like I'm tEh 1337. Let's run away together!

The Devil Deals In Ch33v0s

As the first of my posts I would like to say "hi" to the two or three people who will see this blog about the most expensive and addictive thing since crack --the Ch33v0.

I have a love/hate relationship with the sweet, sweet Ch33v0. First of all, I love them because I love to get them. When that sweet little oval pops up, Jesus I get half a stalk! HOWEVER, I hate them because some of them are down right retarded.

Off the top of my head the Ch33v0 that tops the list of what we'll call "Dirka's Dumbass Ch33v0s" is Gears of War's Ch33v0 called "Seriously...". In this blatant attempt by Epic to keep nerds far away from the opposite sex, one must kill 10,000 people in versus ranked match. That is mind-numbingly retarded. I'm curious to see if anyone could put their Xbox through that type of torture without getting at least ONE Red Ring of Death. ALSO, it's an online Ch33v0 and I'll delve into that topic later.

Now I know that there is one person out there that would say, "that's because you're not good enough to get those Ch33v0s," (ZEBRA NINER) but I'm allowed my opinion.

All my posts won't be this Debbie Downer, but I need everyone to know that Ch33vos to me are a fickle bitch that have the ability to make you laugh hysterically in ecstasy one minute, but make you weep out of sheer frustration the next.

I <3 Ch33v0z, And Let Me Tell You Why

I've had some great times playing video games, but some of the best times have been unlocking sweet ch33v0z. While I can't list every single one, I have compiled a short list of some of my sweetest ch33v0z.

GEARS OF WAR-Commando: Complete all acts on Insane Difficulty-30g

• This was one of the first games that I endeavoured to beat on the hardest difficulty. I had a really enjoyable experience with this game, and the added difficulty made for a good challenge. I also completed this solo, and that was another feather in my cap.

BIOSHOCK- Seriously Good At This: The player has completed the game on the hardest difficulty setting- 40g

Little Sister Savior: The player has completed the game without harvesting any Little Sisters- 100g

• These two ch33v0z are also among the few that I prize. The ch33v0 for the hardest difficulty was daunting, but I also chose to save the little sisters... which made the game even more trying. Add in the emotional ending for playing the game in such a way and both of these ch33v0z are very memorable.

EA SPORTS FIGHT NIGHT 3- 8 Ch33v0z: (All of them!) -1000g

• Every single one of these ch33vz are great! Although there isn't any one that specifically notable, they were relatively easy to get and the game was top notch. This was also the first game that I ever got 1000 gamerscore on, and that's why it holds a special place in my heart.

CALL OF DUTY 4- No Rest for the Weary: Stab an injured crawling enemy-10G

• This one, is memorable for no other reason than it's cruelty. It's just cruel, mean, and downright fun!!!
  

CRACKDOWN -Free Runner: Collect 500 Agility Orbs-50G

• This ch33v0 was a labor of love... and hatred. If you've collected all the orbs, or tried to collect them all, you know what kind of task lies ahead. While just about every ch33v0 in the list for Crackdown was fun to get, this one was a tedious, soul breaking, mind numbing experience. Once that last orb was found, and my ch33v0 popped up, the feeling of elation was grand indeed. One of my sweetest ch33v0z.
  

HALO 3 - Mongoose Mowdown: Splattered an enemy with the mongoose in a ranked free for all playlist-5G

• Oh Halo, such bittersweet ch33v0z. I hate you, and I love you... This achievement was special for many reasons. The most important reason? It was the last ch33v0 that I needed to hit 1000 gamerscore and complete the game. Since it was the last ch33v, it was also the most impossible one to obtain. Oh, by the way... 5 points? You bastards.
  

So there you have it, some of my most prized and sweetest ch33v0s. Of course, these may be run of the mill or mediocre ch33vz to some, but they hold some of my fondest memories. What ch33v0z do you treasure most?