This Week In Ch33v0z, The Burnout Assault Portal Edition

In honor of the holiday this week, I'm putting this up one day early. God Bless America, for the freedom to work the ch33v0z is my right!

I've been pretty busy these last couple of weeks... since no one is willing to pay me to play video games and blog about the sweetest cheevos, I have what some people call a "job". Even with my hectic schedule, I was able to wrangle up a few cheevoz for you folks to enjoy! I have two new games and I even dug deep in the vault and grabbed a couple of Orange Box cheevz!



Burnout Paradise

Perfect Rage-Got 10 Takedowns in Road Rage without Wrecking-5G





Spinnin' Around-Got your first 360 Flatspin-10G





Must Try Harder-Got your B Class License-40G





It's Showtime-Showtime Road Rule beaten on East Crawford Drive-10G





The Show Must Go On-Got a x10 multiplier in Showtime-20G





Rising From the Ashes-Repaired your car at critical damage in a Road Rage event-10G




Parallel Park-Power Park achieved with a 100% rating-20G





Underachiever-Got your C Class License-30G





Duckin' and Weavin'-Won a Marked man without being taken down-10G





Learning to Fly-Successfully landed 5 SUPERJUMPS-10G





Misdemeanor-5 Billboards collected-10G





Great Start-Won a Race-10G





Bottom of the Class-Got your D Class License-20G





Off the Beaten Path-25 Smashes collected-10G





Lookin' Good-Repaired your first wrecked car-5G





I expected a cheev grab when I rented this game, but it's actually pretty fun(if you disregard the terrible DJ Atomica, who I want to kill... and who never shuts up)! It's really beautiful, and the crash animations are fantastic. Oh, and road rage is the only event that's worth anything in the game, including the races and stunt runs.

It's all pretty much there in the cheevo descriptions. The licenses are attained an winning a specified number of events. Each time you get a new license, you'll be notified on how many events you need to win to advance to the next license. You also get a notification with each victory. Off The Beaten Path, Great Start, Misdemeanor, Lookin' Good, and Learning To Fly will all just happen during normal gameplay. Just drive around, and those will unlock the first time you play.

Parallel Park ch33v is a tricky one, it will probably require many tries. You have to e-brake slide into the space between to cars, creating a snazzy parallel parking job. What finally worked for me, and has worked consistently is e-braking into a spot at about a 45 degree angle, from about a lane away. As long as you don't smash the cars you are trying to park between, you should be good to go.

It's Showtime and The Show Must Go On aren't very hard, but they are rather boring. Activate showtime mode by pressing right and left bumper, and beat the specified score to get both cheevoz. Just do your first showtime on Crawford Rd(just north of the very first junkyard) and get both at once.

Duckin' And Weavin' , Rising From The Ashes, and Perfect Rage are more about luck than skill. I can't really give you tips.

Spinning Around took me the longest. It's basically pulling an e-brake slide right before you hit a jump. This will cause your car to spin in the air, a.k.a. flatspin. You have to hit a 360 before this one unlocks. I recommend the ramps at the beach, near the first junkyard. Use a car that has high marks for stunts. Be aware of the surrounding, because crashing into something or touching another object stops your flat spin.


The Orange Box: Portal

Fruitcake-Beat four Portal advanced maps-20G





Cupcake-Beat two Portal advanced maps-10G





I decided to get back into a little Portal this week. Remembering what a bitch the advanced maps were, and then also remembering that I had the official game guide for the Orange Box, I went ahead and snagged these two. I'm sure there are plenty of videos that you can use, but I can't put an endorsement on them.

Assault Heroes

Annihilator-Kill more than 85% of the total enemies in a zone-10G





Tricked Out-Max out all of the vehicle power-ups-20G





Exterminator-Defeat the giant spider-10G





After the greatness that is WOTB: Commando 3, I have been on a run of uni-directional shooters. I need them... I want them. So I'm working my way through the vast selection of SHMUPS on the Arcade and I came across this one. First of all, it's listed as a greatest hit, which means it's only $5. Secondly, it has CO-OP!!! If you know me, you know I loves me some co-op... fo' sho'!

I got the first 3 in the in the very first zone. I played it on Hard, which I've come to find out is NOT necessary. Apparently you can play the game, and get EVERY cheevo on EASY!!!! You might think this is a cheap move, but I'm all about the sweetest cheevos.

So this is an open call to anyone that reads this blog: I want to get 100% on these cheevz and I need a co-op partner! All are welcome! All are welcome!I'm still working on my Timeshift cheevz, that game is proving to rather difficult. Hopefully I'll have some news on that one next week, and hopefully I'll have some co-op cheevz for Assault Heroes! Stay strong my brothers in cheevz... stay strong. Happy Independence Day!

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Mixed Bag Edition

This was an exciting week in Ch33v0 goodness. So much happened! I'll just get right into it, welcome to the my week in ch33v0z. First and foremost, I've got to trumpet my utter domination of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. I beat that game into the dirt, pulled it's pants off, and pulverized it's ass with my gaming skills. Now that I've got wood, let me get to the details of this week in ch33v0z.

I was on a ch33v0 high this week, first from clocking in at 1000 points for the insanely difficult COD4, grabbing some hard to get cheevs in Geometry Wars and snaking out a few of my forgotten cheev0s from Condemned.


Call of Duty 4

Look Sharp-Find 15 enemy intel items-20G





Eyes and Ears-Find 30 enemy intel items-20G





Your Show Sucks-Destroy all the TVs showing Al-Asad's speech-20G





Mile High Club-Sky dive to safety on Veteran difficulty-20G .





If you've read my celebration post from earlier in the week, you know how great it is to unlock the Mile High Club ch33v0. The MHC cheevo is the Pièce de résistance of the week, the... feather in my cap so to speak. One of the most difficult ch33v0z I have ever attempted to acquire. You would think that I would have some kind of respect for this one, but I actually harbor a hatred for this ch33v0. It took from me, my innocence and more importantly my time. As with the others, a video walkthrough is recommended.

Although usually very tedious, most game developers feel the need to put collection based cheevz in their games. In COD's case, it's the intel pieces and the TV's. For the intel pieces follow this very comprehensive walkthrough for the locations and you are on your way to 40 points and 2 very sweet cheevos. The TV collecting can be done in one level, so that's nice. However, when you get into the broadcast station you are going to be faced with a multitude of TV's and computer monitors. Make sure you thoroughly search this larger room from all angles to get every TV. Don't forget to check for ceiling mounted TVs near the corners of each room. As always, a guide helps.


Army of Two

Running Man-Kill 75 enemies while in the stealth mode of Overkill-30G




Army of Two has some great ch33v0z and you can get most of them pretty easily. The Running Man cheev0 took longer than I expected. Of course, I've been relegated to hunting for cheev0z on a solo basis, so it took a bit of finesse to get my AI partner to do what I wanted. The best tactic for me was to equip a silenced primary weapon (forcing your AI partner to have loud weapon by default) and starting on the aircraft carrier mission(Professional difficulty). From the onset of the level, place your PAI in AGGRO mode and take cover. The enemies will descend on you both, but just let your PAI take them out. He will go into overkill and you can get 5-10 kills per load out. Of course with a human partner, it's much easier.

Geometry Wars: Evolved

Survived 250,000-Earn 250,000 points without dying-10G





Score 250,000-Earn 250,000 points-10G





Geometry Wars is one of the most basic, beautiful, and fun games on XBLA. It's also one of the most difficult games to master. You basically have to be a tweaker to rise to the upper levels of greatness in this game. That being said, I was in the zone this weekend and after a long hiatus from this game(I haven't unlocked a cheev in 8 months), I loaded it up and surpassed my prior level of skill. I don't know how, I don't know why and I can't give you any tips, save one... try this game.

Condemned: Criminal Origins

Chapter 5 Bronze Bird Award-You found a dead bird in Bart's Department Store-10G




Chapter 4 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 4: Grid 4 Subway Tunnels-10G




Bronze Melee Master Award-You completed single level of Condemned: Criminal Origins with only melee weapons-20G




Chapter 4 Silver Bird Award-You found all six birds in Grid 4 Subway Tunnels-20G




Chapter 4 Bronze Bird Award-You found a dead bird in Grid 4 Subway Tunnels-10G




Chapter 3 Completion Award-You finished Chapter 3: Metro Station Platforms-10G




This title is part of my forgotten ch33v0z list. I'm going to be honest on two things, I'm not thoroughly searching each level to max my ch33v0 gain... I'm blowing through this game because I bought Condemned 2 and I won't let myself play it until I beat the first. Secondly, this game is scary as shit. It's hard to play for more than 30 seconds without feeling creepy. There are plenty of vids here for reference, but I suggest you try this game especially for $14.99 that it's going for nowadays. Only tip I can give you: Skip using guns all together, waste of time and ch33v0z.

That was one hell of a week, stay tuned for new cheevz from new games! Condemned 2 is on the docket as well as GTA4 in a couple of weeks. I'll also be looking into some forgotten games.

On The Hunt For Ch33v0z

Looking through my vast library of Xbox 360 games I've come to a realization... I didn't play most of them, I am thereby denying myself some sweet ass ch33v0z. This has led me to dig out some of my older games, and try to farm the sweet ch33vz.

Unfortunately I have a VERY LONG list of games that I haven't given proper time too. I've neglected them, they should be taken away by some government service and given to a family that will nurture them, and cherish their sweet, sweet, ch33v0z. Since this government entity doesn't exist, I get another chance to harvest the ch33vz. Here is a short list, of what will become a very LONG list, over many posts:


Oblivion- Arguably one of the best 360 games available. What I would call a FPS/RPG. I only played it until the first 50 point ch33v0, and put it away for months. It's a shame really, but the slow story line and lack of freedom(I want to kill who I want, when I want... without getting hassled at every turn) has kept me from returning to this game.

Condemned- Yeah, I know... but it's so scary! This game is fun, but for some reason it's just not hooking me. I will get it finished! I will! I'll finish it because I'm not going to buy Condemned 2 until I do. :(



Dead Rising- Another popular game. Why wouldn't I be addicted to killing zombies? Well, one reason has kept me from returning to this game, the save system. It SUCKS! I'm sorry, but it's awful. Checkpoints, save anywhere... these are the things a gamer needs!


Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter- This game is cool looking, and it's a shooter! Why haven't I played the hell out of it? Well, it's a very complicated game. It's got some great features, weapons, and squad tactics. It's not a pick up and play game, time must be invested.


Splinter Cell Double Agent- This is a fun game, but I'm just not a stealthy, sneaky guy. I want to run in there, kill everyone, and dance on a pile of bodies. So, it's not the games fault, it's just the way I play.



These are some of my most forgotten and neglected games. Their ch33v0z are begging to be freed! I must save the ch33v0z!

So there you have it, just a small list of some of the games that are on my long list of unharvested ch33v0 mines. Stay tuned for updates on progress with these games, and a continuation of my other many neglected games.