This Week In Ch33v0z, The Burnout Assault Portal Edition

In honor of the holiday this week, I'm putting this up one day early. God Bless America, for the freedom to work the ch33v0z is my right!

I've been pretty busy these last couple of weeks... since no one is willing to pay me to play video games and blog about the sweetest cheevos, I have what some people call a "job". Even with my hectic schedule, I was able to wrangle up a few cheevoz for you folks to enjoy! I have two new games and I even dug deep in the vault and grabbed a couple of Orange Box cheevz!



Burnout Paradise

Perfect Rage-Got 10 Takedowns in Road Rage without Wrecking-5G





Spinnin' Around-Got your first 360 Flatspin-10G





Must Try Harder-Got your B Class License-40G





It's Showtime-Showtime Road Rule beaten on East Crawford Drive-10G





The Show Must Go On-Got a x10 multiplier in Showtime-20G





Rising From the Ashes-Repaired your car at critical damage in a Road Rage event-10G




Parallel Park-Power Park achieved with a 100% rating-20G





Underachiever-Got your C Class License-30G





Duckin' and Weavin'-Won a Marked man without being taken down-10G





Learning to Fly-Successfully landed 5 SUPERJUMPS-10G





Misdemeanor-5 Billboards collected-10G





Great Start-Won a Race-10G





Bottom of the Class-Got your D Class License-20G





Off the Beaten Path-25 Smashes collected-10G





Lookin' Good-Repaired your first wrecked car-5G





I expected a cheev grab when I rented this game, but it's actually pretty fun(if you disregard the terrible DJ Atomica, who I want to kill... and who never shuts up)! It's really beautiful, and the crash animations are fantastic. Oh, and road rage is the only event that's worth anything in the game, including the races and stunt runs.

It's all pretty much there in the cheevo descriptions. The licenses are attained an winning a specified number of events. Each time you get a new license, you'll be notified on how many events you need to win to advance to the next license. You also get a notification with each victory. Off The Beaten Path, Great Start, Misdemeanor, Lookin' Good, and Learning To Fly will all just happen during normal gameplay. Just drive around, and those will unlock the first time you play.

Parallel Park ch33v is a tricky one, it will probably require many tries. You have to e-brake slide into the space between to cars, creating a snazzy parallel parking job. What finally worked for me, and has worked consistently is e-braking into a spot at about a 45 degree angle, from about a lane away. As long as you don't smash the cars you are trying to park between, you should be good to go.

It's Showtime and The Show Must Go On aren't very hard, but they are rather boring. Activate showtime mode by pressing right and left bumper, and beat the specified score to get both cheevoz. Just do your first showtime on Crawford Rd(just north of the very first junkyard) and get both at once.

Duckin' And Weavin' , Rising From The Ashes, and Perfect Rage are more about luck than skill. I can't really give you tips.

Spinning Around took me the longest. It's basically pulling an e-brake slide right before you hit a jump. This will cause your car to spin in the air, a.k.a. flatspin. You have to hit a 360 before this one unlocks. I recommend the ramps at the beach, near the first junkyard. Use a car that has high marks for stunts. Be aware of the surrounding, because crashing into something or touching another object stops your flat spin.


The Orange Box: Portal

Fruitcake-Beat four Portal advanced maps-20G





Cupcake-Beat two Portal advanced maps-10G





I decided to get back into a little Portal this week. Remembering what a bitch the advanced maps were, and then also remembering that I had the official game guide for the Orange Box, I went ahead and snagged these two. I'm sure there are plenty of videos that you can use, but I can't put an endorsement on them.

Assault Heroes

Annihilator-Kill more than 85% of the total enemies in a zone-10G





Tricked Out-Max out all of the vehicle power-ups-20G





Exterminator-Defeat the giant spider-10G





After the greatness that is WOTB: Commando 3, I have been on a run of uni-directional shooters. I need them... I want them. So I'm working my way through the vast selection of SHMUPS on the Arcade and I came across this one. First of all, it's listed as a greatest hit, which means it's only $5. Secondly, it has CO-OP!!! If you know me, you know I loves me some co-op... fo' sho'!

I got the first 3 in the in the very first zone. I played it on Hard, which I've come to find out is NOT necessary. Apparently you can play the game, and get EVERY cheevo on EASY!!!! You might think this is a cheap move, but I'm all about the sweetest cheevos.

So this is an open call to anyone that reads this blog: I want to get 100% on these cheevz and I need a co-op partner! All are welcome! All are welcome!I'm still working on my Timeshift cheevz, that game is proving to rather difficult. Hopefully I'll have some news on that one next week, and hopefully I'll have some co-op cheevz for Assault Heroes! Stay strong my brothers in cheevz... stay strong. Happy Independence Day!

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Grand Theft Auto IV Edition

So it's not a big surprise, I've been playing Grand Theft Auto 4 all week. The game hasn't even left my disc drive, and I don't plan on taking it out anytime soon. I've done a lot with my time in Liberty City, I've done a lot of bad things there. I've picked up hookers, stolen hundreds of cars, sold drugs and other countless crimes. I've killed MANY people, I've murdered policeman, innocent women, and even one preacher (not before knocking the bible out of his hand). I've enjoyed every minute of it, and I've been rewarded with sweet cheev0z. Here is this weeks haul:

Grand Theft Auto IV

Courier Service-You completed all 10 package delivery jobs-10G





Impossible Trinity-You completed the mission "Museum Piece"-10G





Wheelie Rider-You completed a 500 foot wheelie on a motorbike-30G





Walk Free-You successfully lost a 4 star wanted rating-50G





One Man Army-You survived a 6 star wanted level for a full 5 minutes-40G





Full Exploration-You unlocked all the islands-20G





Retail Therapy-You unlocked the special ability of buying guns from Little Jacob-10G




As you can see from this weeks rather slim bounty, GTA4 doesn't exactly give up the sweet cheevs as well as some other games might, but it's a fun game and worth the effort. Most of the cheevos that I've unlocked can be acquired by normal play of the story mode.

One Man Army can be one of the hardest ch33v0z or one of the easiest ch33voz to gain. I guess that's all up to you. The game developers probably imagined you scoring this cheevo further along in the game, using all of your weaponry and skill to hold out against the entire police force. This video shows a way to accomplish it, rather early in the game and with limited weaponry, but still in a more traditional way. Of course, you can always do it the easy way (like me). Make sure you have at least one locked island (or load an early save). Head over to the helicopter tours, steal a chopper and fly into a locked zone. This well get you an instant 6 star wanted rating. Fly around for 5 minutes, and Voilà 40 point cheev unlocked. There are a few other ways, pick the one which suits you best.

Walk Free is a fun ch33v0, it involves getting the cops PISSED off and losing their asses with some sweet driving skills. You have to get a 4 star wanted level, which can itself be a difficult thing to do. The easiest and safest way to obtain an instant 4 star, is to make your way onto the tarmac of Francis International Airport in East Broker. As soon as you hit the runway, you get a four star rating, but you also get a great straight away to gain some speed. You can even lose the cops on this same runway! Here is a video for a little help.

Wheelie Rider is another relatively easy cheev that can also be done while at the airport. Basically you need to execute a 500 foot wheelie on a motorcycle. It's actually pretty easy, and can be done on a sport bike (pcj600) or on a scooter (faggio), but not on one of the Harley-style bikes(they won't do a wheelie, because they are for bitches!). Grab your bike or scooter and head over to the airport. Use that long runway and lack of traffic to get your wheelie just right. Don't mind the cops, they shouldn't cause too much trouble for you while on a bike. Quick tip if you are having trouble holding the wheelie: hold back on the stick, while pressing the gas intermittently. Here is another video for your viewing pleasure.

The rest are basic story plots and side missions that come with normal play, but these three will net you a hefty 120 points and can be done in about 5-10 minutes. Go forth and harvest.

That's pretty much it for this week, look forward to more ch33vz from GTA 4 and probably not much else. I'll try to get a little variety in there for you next week, but if you are playing GTA you know what a daunting, and unrealistic goal that is. Have fun and grind those ch33v0z!

Call of Duty 4, Where Is My Money?!

I've played a lot of games, and I've come across a lot of impossible ch33v0z... Army of Two's Billion Dollar ch33v0, Gears of War's 10,000 kills ch33v0, or Guitar Hero 3's Inhuman cheev0.

One sweet ch33v0 that I had on this list was Call of Duty 4's Mile High Club ch33v... I took the time to get through the entire game on Veteran, which had some pretty difficult levels that spit in my face at every turn. When I finally defeated the campaign, and scored most of the points I could get... one ch33v0 was out of my grasp, and it broke my will. I actually had a few other ch33vz left in that game, easy ones, but without that one special cheevo I couldn't go on. I said, "what's the point? I'll never have that last, stupid, ch33v."

I gave up, I was a broken man... I considered giving up completely, throwing it all away... I even bought a gun. That's right, I was going to end it all. I went to a couple of cheevoholics meetings, got a sponsor, heard some stories and decided to get my life back on track. I was doing well, until this weekend... When Call of Duty showed up on my doorstep, all the old feelings came back... and I jumped into the game, last level on veteran. I know, I know... but I had to get some closure and I knew that I could do it.

After a few tries, and some helpful tips I was elated when I made it to the end of the level and propelled myself from the door of that plane... CH33V0 UNLOCKED. Booyah. That's right folks, I made COD my bitch. So, with a renewed confidence I went out and conquered the rest of the ch33v0z in the game and locked up 1000 gamerscore. It was good times, here are some quick tips on how to do it:

• Watch a video on Youtube, THIS ONE is what I used
• Make it to the second floor with 20 seconds left
• Your teammates are invincible, let them do some of the work
  
• You don't have to kill all of the enemies
• The enemies die with one or two shots, no need to hose them down
• Use your pistol until the very end, then swap out the SMG
• Flash bangs are your friend
• Run

That's pretty much it, you are going to have to do it a few times. You can rely on your teammates for a lot, just make sure to run far enough ahead and grab some cover.

The final ch33vz that needed unlocking for me were the "Intel" ch33v0z and the "Your show sucks" ch33v. You can find a complete guide for the Intel pieces HERE (15 pages total, very detailed) and one for the TV's HERE (This is the vid I used, but all the tv's are in the CHARLIE DON'T SURF level, the first one shown on blackout is not needed... but this was the best vid available.)

Go forth and conquer my children, make COD4 your little bitch. Relish those sweet ass ch33v0z!