Ch33v0z In A Minute!

I was speaking with a friend this week about the idea of buying teh ch33v0z. He pointed out that I am a ch33v0 buyer, that my gamerscore has been purchased. Which is the case for all of us, whether they are rented or bought, teh ch33v0z are going to cost some money. Then I remembered an instance when I didn't have to pay for the sweetness of teh cheevs. That's right, free* ch33vz! No, I'm not talking about Yaris... I'm speaking on the goodness of Aegis Wing! Without further ado, Ch33v0z in a Minute! The free* ch33v0 edition.

Aegis Wing


Immortal-Complete a level without dying or losing any allies.-15G





Untouchable-Complete a level without taking damage. 15G





Diplomat-Complete a level without firing.15G





I'm going to let you in on a little secret. There is a way to get all three of these sweet cheevos at once. I have to warn you, it's a glitch... it's cheating... it's sick and it's wrong. There is a right way to do this, using skill and patience... and there is a quick and dirty way that will get you 45 sweet ass points. You make the choice, if you can't handle being a dirty cheater stop reading now.

This involves using an exploit or "glitch" as the kids say. It's simple and worth the effort. You are going to need two things, a free* downloaded copy of Aegis Wing from XBLA and two controllers. Play the first level by yourself, once you get to level 2 (it has to be level 2) sign in your guest account. Level two doesn't have a boss at the end of it, therefore no firing is required. When you start level 2, move both ships to the bottom left of the screen. With the first controller hit the "X" button to couple the ships, then hit it again to uncouple them. Then do the same with the second controller... alternate with both controllers. This action should drag your ships down below the actually "playable space", thereby making it impossible for enemies to hit your ships. Once you've reached a safe level, set the controllers down and sit back. When they finish out the level, both accounts will unlock ALL three ch33v0z!

You may think it's pathetic, but all I have to say to that is "fuck you, shit stain! I'll break your face." Alas, there will always be those that don't approve of such a tactic, and those people probably aren't reading this. However, if you want to give it a try the old fashioned way, they are totally within the average gamer's skill set. On a plus, the game is a lot of fun, and offers 4 player co-op with a guest sign in feature for live. I will even go as far to extend the offer of a co-op playthrough on insane difficulty for anyone, it's that good.

*The current free status for anyone outside of the good ol' US of A isn't something I'm aware of... and honestly I don't really care. America is teh best evAR!

Ch33v0z in a minute!

Good morning campers. Now that I've sobered up I can fulfill your desire for useless knowledge and senseless cursing with a few ch33v0s that are so easy to get, that I may even get them. You know...before the Coors and Tylenol PM kicks in (NOTE: Ch33v0 Unlocked, ghett0yeti, and blogger.com highly discourage the mixing of alcohol and sleeping medication. At least for those under the age of 12)

So without further ado may I present Ch33voz in a minute - download edition:

CONTRA - ARMORY

Collect 4 different weapons power-ups. This should be done within the first 5 minutes of the game. What with all of the UFOs carrying tiny power-ups in the guise of shiny medals. If you can't do this, then...well, you suck at life and you're probably a terrorist. This game is a classic and everyone should know exactly when the power-ups are coming. If you can't aim in one of the 4 directions that Contra allows and shoot a tiny flying urn, ask your dad to do it for you. He'll probably hand you your ASS in Contra. Yes, your dad knows how to play video games. What do you think he did before he ruined his life by having children? He pumped enough quarters into Donkey Kong to turn that monkey into a fucking anchor. He also boned your mom. Think about that.

STREET FIGHTER II: HYPER FIGHTING - HYPER WORLD CHAMPION
Complete single-player arcade mode without losing a match. I know what you're thinking "But every time I try to do that, Ryu rocks my face off with a shit storm of Hadokens. And Bison's never ending siege of Psycho Crushers is sure to end me". Well my child, fret not. Lay your head upon my bosom and I'll share with you the knowledge of the ages. Alright, it doesn't say you have to play on hard. Play on easy. I know it's kind of a drag beating the game so cheaply, but we're looking for easy cheevos here. So take them. Also, if you're having trouble with the aforementioned fuckload of fireballs then do what I do, play as Ken or Ryu and throw them faster. If you're playing on easy and your motor skills rank anywhere higher than "houseplant" it should be no problem.

HEXIC HD - HEXIC ADDICT
100 games. I know...boring. Here's another game you can have your parents play for you. Old people love puzzles and pretty colors. Seriously. I guarantee that if you go through your parents internet history you'll find all kinds of puzzle games. Bejeweled, sudoku, Love Zoo. Trust me, for the sake of your sanity, we'll pretend that Love Zoo is a puzzle game and your dad was playing it at 3 am because it's just so addictive he couldn't sleep. HE WAS PLAYING A GAME!

Alright kids. There's a few for you. There's 60 easy points to add to your arsenal. Sure you could play COD4 for a month straight, break 2 controllers, a window, and your index finger for 20 points. Or, you could use these sweet, easy cheevoz and laugh in Zebra Niner's face. Although, he's probably better than you...at everything.