Ch33v0z: My Addiction, My Shame

Adding to the long list of games with the easiest, dirtiest, and most shameful cheevz, is Lost: Via Domus. If you've been keeping up with my weekly recap, you know how I feel about Lost: Via Domus. Of course, my hatred or disdain for a game is highly unlikely to keep me from harvesting the sweet cheevz. Kind of like when you are at a bar and the annoying wreck seated next to you is trying to convince you to take it home. That's when it's time to man up... and mount up, Cheevo-style.

So there are a few things you need to know about this game before you get started. First off, it's only going to take you about 5 hours to get all 1000 points. Second, if you aren't a Lost fan, you won't be one by the end of this game. Actually, you're more likely to hate Lost after playing this game, I know I do. Let me shorten up my take on this game.... graphics, controls, and story... all suck.



Complete Chapters 1-7- 600G- Just completing each chapter will get net you more than 50% of the game's total gamerscore. That's not including all the necessary crap that you have to do just to get through the game. The other downer, is that you can skip most of the content and still get the cheevoz. Which means, HUGE holes in the story line.

Taking pictures of random shit-160G- I'm not going to get in to what you have to take pictures of and all that... I don't have the time or patience. Check a guide or something. However, I will say that the character will actually say, "It's worth a picture" when you come across an item that should be photographed for cheev progress.





Complete All 6 Flashbacks-150G- This one is pretty easy, and probably the most fun part of the game. You'll get an image of a picture, you just need to recreate the picture. Once you've completed that, just look around and examine everything, then talk to the person in the flashback. Check a guide for details.



Finally, I would say to avoid this game. It's a good thing the cheevz are so easy, or it wouldn't even be worth a rent. Overall, it's a crappy game and I hope you don't play it. If you do have to play it, make sure you milk it for all it's worth. At the end of the day, you'll walk away with a little less dignity, and a lot more gamerscore.

Ch33v0z: My Addiction, My Shame

We've all done things we aren't proud of for the sweetest cheevz. We've hunted the easy games, we've used exploits, and hell... we've even cheated. There comes a time, when you have to cross a line... when your addiction pushes you over the edge and you do something that goes against the grain. I feel that I crossed that line when I took on the Over The Rainbow Cheev0 from Bully: Scholarship Edition.

Let me preface this by saying, I don't have a problem with gays... I don't care at all. In fact, I can really appreciate when a gay couple tongue kisses(lesbians... hot lesbians, tongue kissing and feeling each other up and then asking me to join in). I'm just not gay... that's all. So when I was presented with a tender ch33v0 that was worth 20 points, and required you to be gay, I hesitated... for about 3 seconds.
Right after the first gay kiss, I knew I had reached a new low. I turned gay for teh ch33v0z. "20 points... can I get just one ch33v? I'll suck yo d*ck!". That's right, I was Pookie from New Jack City. My name is ZEBRA NINER, and I'm addicted to ch33v0z.
Now that it's all said and done, I have to give it to Rockstar... very nice, very controversial, and very gay. The voice acting for the kiss scenes between guys is hilarious. The gay kid says some rather interesting stuff, and the kissing sound effects are disgusting. All in all, one of the more memorable cheevoz. I find it refreshing to have such a progressive idea for a game. I mean, if I can have sex with a hooker and then stab her to death in an alley way, why can't I be a gay kid? Where will games go, and what cheevz will be unlocked?
Note: after receiving the ch33v0, I did kick that gay guy's ass to show how much of a real man I was... then I teabagged him which made it all gay again.

This Week In Ch33v0z, The Army Of GTA And Bully The Club

What a week! I'm pulling down the sweet ch33v0z hand over fist. That's right, going old school and ch33vin' to the max. I was able to nail down the last few cheevz I'm willing to go for on The Club, and I'm still grinding away at Bully. I was also pleasantly surprised to get a few new cheevos in Army of Two! The recent FREE DLC pack that released last week provides six new cheevz (if you like the game, I suggest grabbing the pack). Finally, the every infamous Gobble Gobble ch33v0 from GTA4... I've got the tested and proven technique to snag this annoying one!

Army of Two

I wanna be a cleaner-Final blow to Dalton is a headshot with a pimped .44 MODEL 29 handgun-25G




Mission 8 Complete-Completed Mission 8 as Professional.-30G





Mission 7 Complete-Completed Mission 7 as Professional.-30G




Army of Two, one of the most ch33v0-generous games of 2008! Recently released FREE DLC pack adds two new campaign levels, and six new ch33v0z to be captured!

Mission 7 & 8 complete are acquired when you complete the new missions, but you MUST complete them on Professional difficulty level. This can be done alone, or with a co-op partner. I recommend getting it done with a human friend, it's more fun and less frustrating.

I wanna be a cleaner was eluding my grasp for a little bit. I couldn't get it done in a co-op session, no matter how I tried. I was able to do it on my first solo try, which leads me to believe that with the extra human partner, the game tosses extra enemies at you. Thereby making it more difficult and cluttered to get to your objective. Do this one on Recruit difficulty, and make sure you have the FULLY pimped and upgraded .44 equipped. Once you knock him off the cat walk, blast him a few times with your primary weapon. Then, when his health is low make the head shot.


The Club

Show Off-Achieve every ‘in game award’ in one level in either Tournament or Single Event.-20G




SkullMaster-Hit 5 Skullshots in a row (without killing a bad guy in between).-25G




Melee the Elephant-Kill 30 enemies in a level with a melee attack in either Tournament or Single Event.-25G




Join the Club-Play an event with every one of the 6 unlocked characters in either Tournament or Single Event.-40G




The Awards Show-Achieve one of every ‘in game award’ either in Tournament or Single Event.-25G




Skillzone-Complete Warzone on Insane difficulty-40G






Warlord-Complete the game on any difficulty level in Tournament.-30G





Bunker Buster-Complete Bunker on Insane level.-20G




Defcon 3-Complete Bunker on any difficulty level in Tournament.-10G






Combo Killer-Reach the level objective with a maximum combo in either Tournament or Single Event.-30G




Efficiency-Kill every enemy on a level using less than 50 bullets in either Tournament or Single Event.-30G




Full House-Complete Manor House on Insane level.-20G






A Stately Achievement-Complete Manor House on any difficulty level in Tournament.-10G




Breakthrough-Smash 50 Doors in either Tournament or Single Event.-10G





A Crate Effort-Complete Warehouse on Insane level.-20G






Crate Work-Complete Warehouse on any difficulty level in Tournament.-10G





The Bunker, Warzone, Manor House, and Warehouse cheevos are all gained by completing those tournaments. Play them on Insane difficulty to get the extra cheevz.

Some of the ch33v0z for The Club are actually pretty fun, and relatively challenging.

The Combo Killer ch33v0 was probably the most challenging for me, thankfully there is a video to help you along the way! Do this on the Venice tournament, Veni, Vidi, Vici level. If you use a pistol, and get head shots... you can snag the Efficiency cheevo at the same time.

While your on Veni, Vidi, Vici you may as well get the Join The Club cheevo. Do a single event, and play through that level(it's the shortest) with each character.

Melee The Elephant can be done on the Time to Mill level of Steel Mill. Do it on Easy, and make sure to pick up health when you are low.

The Awards Show requires that you get at least one each of the game's awards. Each award is listed:

• Head shot
• Head shot Heaven(5 head shots in a row)
• Great shot(distance)
• Crack shot(greater distance)
• Snap shot (pressing the Y button to do a quick turn, and then making a kill)
• Death roll (pressing the A button to do a roll, and then making a kill)
• Ric-O-Slay (Kill an enemy with a ricochet bullet)
• Penetrator (Kill an enemy by shooting through something)
• Multi-kill (Kill more than one enemy with an explosion)
• Last Bullet (Kill an enemy with the last bullet in your magazine)

These should be easily completed at some point during your normal play through of the game. It gets tricky when you are trying to accomplish them all at once for the Show Off cheevo. It's relatively difficult, and can be accomplished in the Pressed Into Action level of the Steel Mill tournament. Here is a video to give you some guidance.



Bully: Scholarship Edition

GLASS DISMISSED-Break 300 bottles at the shooting gallery.-25G





SKATE PRO-Travel 50,000 meters on the skateboard-25G





OVER THE RAINBOW-Receive 20 kisses from the gents.-20G




GREEN THUMBS UP-Pick 50 flowers-20G





JUNIOR-Complete Chapter 3-20G





LITTLE ANGEL-Complete 20 Errand Missions-20G





DOWN FOR THE COUNT-Beat up 200 opponents-20G





CASANOVA-Receive 25 kisses from the ladies.-20G





SPEED FREAK-Complete ½ of all Go Kart Races-20G





Most of these cheevs are unlocked through repetitive actions. No real tips, you'll have to put in your work for these: GLASS DISMISSED, SKATE PRO, LITTLE ANGEL, and DOWN FOR THE COUNT.

Here are some tips that will help you get the CASANOVA, OVER THE RAINBOW, and GREEN THUMBS UP cheevos. First of all, you need to pass at least one art class to be able to unlock smooth talk, gift giving, and smooch getting. You can find flowers in front of the girls dorm, and you can chat up any girl... hand them the flowers(enabling more flowers to be picked), and get a kiss. As far as the gay ass cheevo goes... just look for the bully pictured below, and chat him up... :(.


GTAIV

Gobble Gobble-You got a turkey in 10-pin bowling.-10G





This is one that I'm proud of. It took some time, and I figured out my technique. I even recommened it to others, and they had success with it. If you aren't familiar with bowling, a turkey is when you get 3 strikes in a row. My technique is as follows:

• Take two FULL steps to the left.
  
• Move the right stick all the way back
• Move the stick forward, but do NOT move the thumb stick all the way up... stop short.
  

It may seem that you don't have enough power to knock the pins down, but I promise this is consistent and will work.

It's been a tough week, lots to see and lots to cheev. I've sent The Club back to Gamefly, so look for my new game next week. It looks like Ninja Gaiden II(crosses fingers), Conan, or Timeshift. Whatever the game, I will milk the sweet ch33v0z for you.

Ch33v0z In A Minute!

I was speaking with a friend this week about the idea of buying teh ch33v0z. He pointed out that I am a ch33v0 buyer, that my gamerscore has been purchased. Which is the case for all of us, whether they are rented or bought, teh ch33v0z are going to cost some money. Then I remembered an instance when I didn't have to pay for the sweetness of teh cheevs. That's right, free* ch33vz! No, I'm not talking about Yaris... I'm speaking on the goodness of Aegis Wing! Without further ado, Ch33v0z in a Minute! The free* ch33v0 edition.

Aegis Wing


Immortal-Complete a level without dying or losing any allies.-15G





Untouchable-Complete a level without taking damage. 15G





Diplomat-Complete a level without firing.15G





I'm going to let you in on a little secret. There is a way to get all three of these sweet cheevos at once. I have to warn you, it's a glitch... it's cheating... it's sick and it's wrong. There is a right way to do this, using skill and patience... and there is a quick and dirty way that will get you 45 sweet ass points. You make the choice, if you can't handle being a dirty cheater stop reading now.

This involves using an exploit or "glitch" as the kids say. It's simple and worth the effort. You are going to need two things, a free* downloaded copy of Aegis Wing from XBLA and two controllers. Play the first level by yourself, once you get to level 2 (it has to be level 2) sign in your guest account. Level two doesn't have a boss at the end of it, therefore no firing is required. When you start level 2, move both ships to the bottom left of the screen. With the first controller hit the "X" button to couple the ships, then hit it again to uncouple them. Then do the same with the second controller... alternate with both controllers. This action should drag your ships down below the actually "playable space", thereby making it impossible for enemies to hit your ships. Once you've reached a safe level, set the controllers down and sit back. When they finish out the level, both accounts will unlock ALL three ch33v0z!

You may think it's pathetic, but all I have to say to that is "fuck you, shit stain! I'll break your face." Alas, there will always be those that don't approve of such a tactic, and those people probably aren't reading this. However, if you want to give it a try the old fashioned way, they are totally within the average gamer's skill set. On a plus, the game is a lot of fun, and offers 4 player co-op with a guest sign in feature for live. I will even go as far to extend the offer of a co-op playthrough on insane difficulty for anyone, it's that good.

*The current free status for anyone outside of the good ol' US of A isn't something I'm aware of... and honestly I don't really care. America is teh best evAR!

Do Bad Things For Sweet Ch33v0z

You know you have a problem when you are willing to go out and rent Avatar for 1000 gamerscore points. However, there can be some justification with that game. It takes all of 2 minutes to get a 1000 points richer. However, when you put enough hours into a game to get gamer's thumb, and you aren't enjoying it... you have a big problem.

That was the case with my 6 hour Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles extravaganza that I had this weekend. This entire blog is devoted to that ch33vtastic game. I've got to say that excluding Avatar, TMNT has some of the dirtiest and easiest ch33v0z you can get. This game boasts 23 ch33v0z and only 2 are somewhat of a challenge (but that's attributed to a misleading cheev description and a coded boss battle).

Since most of the games ch33v0z will unlock through beating levels, there are only a few that require explanation.

Get your first coin-Get your first coin-15 This ch33v0 has the most retarded and vague description. In normal gameplay, there are coins... EVERYWHERE. You would assume that picking up the first "coin" would net you this ch33v, and you would be wrong. Technically, it's the first "shell" that you collect that will unlock this ch33v0. Just replay any mission in "challenge" mode after you've beat the level in "story" mode and you'll be able to unlock it fairly quickly. The first mission is the best one.


Used Raphs special move-Used Raphs special move-30G This one isn't hard to get, it's just that you'll unlock the 3 other special moves in the first few missions, leaving you wondering why this one hasn't unlocked. You won't unlock the cheevo until the 10th mission or so, when you are playing Raphael's (playing as the Nightwatcher doesn't count)first solo mission.


Clean Sweep-Complete a level without taking damage-50G This will probably get unlocked without trying, I didn't even know it was a ch33v0 until I saw it pop up. First mission is SUPER easy and you'll probably get it anyway. Just don't take any damage during the fights.


Winter's Secret-Complete Level 16-80G While being the longest and probably most difficult level, it's still not that hard. What is hard, is the final boss in the game. Each sub boss is not that hard to beat, and it takes only button mashing. The final boss, can't be defeated with normal attacks. He can only be defeated with "tag team" attacks, and in a specific order. Without a walkthrough, it would take some time to figure this out on your own. With the help of a walkthrough, you can do it with your eyes closed.


Overall, it's not really a good game. I would recommend getting a small child to play through it for you, but that would be wrong wouldn't it? Anyway, if you have a disgusting ch33v0 fetish, you'll be willing to put the 5-6 hours in on this game and walk away with your 1000 points. If you can, borrow, rent or steal this game... do not buy it(unless you can return it or the price is less than a rental). It's bad times, but the ch33v0z feel soooo good.